May I Leave Work Early? I Have to Stay After School

Feb 012013
 
School desk

(School desk Photo credit: net_efekt)

 

Here’s something from my inbox.  A friend sent it.  I have not tracked down the original source… mostly because I really do not want to believe that it is true.  I haven’t been able to throw it away.  There’s part of me that’s not surprised – after all,  some Moms will do anything for their kids!

A young teen gets into enough trouble at school to earn a detention.  When Mom learns about it, she offers to serve her child’s detention as she feels that this would be less damaging to her child than it would be for the child to miss any after school activities.

OK, aside from undermining the school’s disciplinary structure, what is wrong with this picture?

I believe that this Mom has absolutely the best of intentions on behalf of her child.  Clearly, she wants her child to have a variety of enriching extra-curricular experiences.  Unfortunately, Mom may be teaching some lessons that nobody should be learning:

  • Rules do not apply to me, but….
  • If I DO get in trouble, someone else will pay the price.
  • Dessert (extra curricular) is more valuable than dinner.

No parent wants a child to suffer, but it is still hard for me to understand the rationale behind this type of decision.  The sad thing is that lots of parents don’t stop and ask which hurts more – missing some afterschool activities or failing to learn that actions have consequences?  Perhaps even worse, teaching our kids to expect that they live in an impenetrable bubble where nothing ‘bad’ or ‘sad’ will ever touch hem.  Which is more damaging?  You tell me.

 

 

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How Are Those New Year’s Resolutions Holding Up?

Jan 152013
 
Cleanup in Times Square after New Year's celeb...

(Cleanup in Times Square after New Year’s celebration. Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I often hear that it takes twenty one days to develop a new habit…  Sometimes, however, when learning that new habit, we forget to pair it with developing the discipline needed to continue to take action.  Consistency helps to develop our self-discipline ‘muscle.’

Although people have a variety of work styles, there are chores and activities that need to be accomplished every single day, not just once in a while.  Your dentist probably wouldn’t be happy if you ‘saved up’ and did all of your brushing and flossing just before your office visits!

Activities that may not be daily can still follow consistent patterns.  Take a look at the patterns and rhythms of life in your family.  What routines do you have for things like homework, spiritual practice, independent reading or family meals?  How about for saving money, grocery shopping or vacation planning?

Children can learn about consistency in a variety of ways, ranging from “we always take our shoes off when we come into the house” to “When Grandma sends a gift you write a ‘thank you’ before you use it.”

They also learn from our example.  What are you teaching in this new year?  Are you teaching your kids that they should ‘crash diet’ for a couple of weeks and then quit?  Or, does you example show them that with consistency and self discipline, small changes over time yield big results?

How Are Those New Year’s Resolutions Holding Up?

Jan 152013
 

If it takes twenty-one days to develop a new habit… then it’s probably time to give those New Year’s plans a little ‘push.’

While I tend to favor adding small changes throughout the entire year, I also enjoy the boost I get from knowing there are lots of other people trying to improve at the same time.

If parental example is our children’s strongest teacher, what does your experience with change (in the form of New Year’s Resolutions) teach your kids? Are you teaching them to take a ‘crash diet and quit’ approach to change? Or, are you providing them an example of consistency and self-discipline that will help them learn to change? Or some sort of ‘tortoise-and-hare-jumpstart-on-the-way-to-new-habits’ combo, perhaps? When implementing change, consistency counts.

Even activities that may not be daily can still follow consistent patterns. Take a look at the patterns and rhythms of life in your family. What routines do you have for things like homework, spiritual practice, independent reading, recreation or family meals? How about for saving money, grocery shopping or vacation planning?

Talking with your kids about the manner in which small, daily choices can add up can help them understand that there is a great deal of the future that is totally under their control.

Showing them is irrefutable.

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Want help developing healthy new habits with your kids? Be sure to check out our new Parenting Toolkit with lots of ways to build skills with your kids.

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