Sep 112012
 

Learning to participate in the work that keeps a family functioning isn’t necessarily all dusting and sorting socks.

Would your kids enjoy planning and preparing a meal for the family?  How about  allowing them to plan a weekend outing?  Or, if they’re older, doing some of the research for a family trip? Creating music playlists for various family celebrations?

Family outing, from Robert N. Dennis collectio...

Family outing, from Robert N. Dennis collection of stereoscopic views (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Trusting our children with responsibility (and letting them meet it) lets them know that we see them as competent and capable.  That’s a powerful way to build confidence.

Enhanced by Zemanta
May 082012
 

English: Roller Derby game between the Cherry ...

Sometimes when I stop and take a look at the stats that my blogs and websites provide I get blown away.  That feeling can be caused by any number of things, especially unusually thoughtful comments or posts that draw people to them years after they were first posted.

Sometimes it’s the search terms people used to get to my blog.  That’s what it was today.  A search phrase.

“I want to succeed but feel that I can’t.”

Seeing that next to “terms people used to find your blog” elicited two conflicting reactions.  On one hand, it made me feel like crying…. on the other, I found it very inspiring.

You see, while we wrote What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement for parents lots of people tell me they use it for themselves: grown-ups who did not have parental support, young adults who (with or without family) are working hard toward a better life, people who are struggling to overcome illness or injury.

There are lots of parenting books full of “how to’s” and I’ve read a lot of them.  I’m proud of having added a book to help parents maintain a hopeful, positive attitude.  And hearing from people who are using the book to “edit” their own life stories touches my heart.  It brings to mind the expression “it’s never too late to have a happy childhoood.”

Regardless of the discipline, small shifts in focus and the willingness to apply a different interpretation can be useful in our personal development. Lots of successful people have had to overcome significant self doubt. They fail a lot.  They keep trying until they find what works… then they do more of it!

So to the people who typed “I want to succeed but feel that I can’t” into Google and ended up here: Thank you for stopping by.

Apr 132012
 

Ludwig van Beethoven's Parents, Johann van Bee...

The other day a colleague told me she considered our book  What Kids Need to Succeed  “inspirational.”

Apparently I was silent for too long.  She went on to explain that, although she thought the book contains good and useful information, she believes that its greatest value is to provide support and inspiration to parents… especially when they doubt or question themselves.

I was only quiet because I was moved.  Frankly, it’s hard to imagine something better than throwing a virtual life preserver to a drowning parent and helping them to shore.  (Except maybe for those parents not to feel like they’re drowning in the first place…)

Being a parent can bring us face-to-face with some of the most powerful versions of anything we feel:  love, pride, joy, fear, self doubt.   Many people are fortunate to have had great parents to show them the way.  Others have to work much harder to extract the value from some of the early lessons. Buttons get pushed.  People hurt.

But feelings aren’t facts.  They can be a valuable source of information.  And sometimes we need help to translate our feelings in a way that is useful to us.

What if “I don’t feel like I can do this” means:

  • I need support
  • I’m taking on a big challenge
  • I’ve never done anything that matters more
  • I need to improve my skills
  • I’m going to get more training
  • I’m looking for a mentor
  • I want to make sure I’m looking at (and compensating for) my “blind spots”

What if “I don’t think I can do this” means you’ve got the open-mindedness and willingness to be great?