Prefers Presence to Presents

Dec 072011
 
Traditional envelope containing money as a gif...

K.I.S.S. ~ Keep It Simple, Sweetie! (Image via Wikipedia)

I think I’m finally done freaking out about hearing Christmas carol muzak in early November and am easing into the holiday spirit.  We’ve made some travel arrangements, found some fun gifts and are going on the prowl for great light displays tonight when it gets dark. Granted, with grown-up kids and the majority of grandkids little enough to prefer an empty water bottle to a Wii, our approach is pretty mellow.  Despite some pressing project deadlines I’m relaxed enough to notice that lots of  people are completely frazzled.

Although I understand it far too well, I find it sad that in our quest to find “the perfect present” many of us render ourselves completely absent.  Spending too much, over-packing our schedules, eating fast food on the way to the mall…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating the perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach? What would happen if we chose to prefer presence over presents?

presence |ˈprezəns|n.  the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing: his presence still makes me smile • a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen: the crowd became aware of a powerful presence.

I love dictionaries and the shades of meaning they can bring us.  When I read this definition I thought about all of the unnecessary difficulties we humans (and especially parents) tend to create for ourselves.  Let’s face it: with the day-to-day struggles so many people face there are already plenty of opportunities to practice our “refuse to lose” skills.

My dictionary went on to tell me about ‘related phrases.’ The one that popped out was “presence of mind: the ability to remain calm and take quick, sensible action.”

Is there “quick, sensible action” you can take to reduce your stress and be more present through the coming weeks?   Stop. Connect. Breathe. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift your kids can enjoy every day.

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Creative Chores? 8 Questions to Consider

Nov 142011
 
"I live in a German family and feel just ...

Image via Wikipedia

Helping your kids develop a healthy work ethic doesn’t have to become another dreaded chore on your never-ending parental “to do” list.  Sometimes all it takes is a willingness to  look at household chores with a new eye.

Lots of families choose to get together on Saturday morning to knock out the bulk of their household chores as a team.  Some parents struggle with getting everyone together and handing out assignments.  Others find it difficult to strike a balance between involving the kids and keeping their high housekeeping standards intact.

The important thing is that our kids develop the attitudes and skills they will later need to manage for themselves.  Try not to be too stressed out about “getting it perfect;” maybe thinking a bit about “what they are learning” will make the whole process a bit more fun for all of you.

What can be learned through Saturday morning cleaning dates?  Well, obviously, the ‘hands-on’ skills e.g. dusting, polishing, sweeping and the like.

But what about organizational skills?  And the sense of teamwork and mutual support that comes into play when we tackle real tasks as a family?

There’s something to be said for growing up with an age-appropriate level of responsibility that lets a kid enjoy the  feeling of being a competent, contributing member of the household.  It’s certainly better than sending them off to college believing that the Laundry Fairy is going continue to fill their dresser drawers!

And please don’t underestimate the negotiating skills and creativity that can come from trying to get out of these family cleaning session!  Of course, if we let them, our children will often surprise us with new and better ways to achieve the desired results.

How do you divide up work?  Does everyone get to do the work they most enjoy or does your family work on rotation?  Do you use a chore chart?  Drawing from a jar? Do the kids ever get to decide… well… how to decide?  (Planting the seeds of leadership and time management skills, perhaps?)

Do you use rewards? Subtract “points” for sub-par work? Or get together afterward for fun and FREE rewards:  a walk, a trip to the library, a bike ride or 15 minutes later to bed.

The simple act of  regularly completing chores on can help to develop good lifetime habits: discipline,  a strong work ethic… and empty trash cans!

You Don’t Know How? Cool!

Sep 132011
 

Swim Class

How are passions discovered?

Although we seem to  “specialize” earlier and earlier I wonder about that approach.  Does it allow children the time  and freedom needed to discover all of their strengths and interests?

In a recent conversation with a college “almost first-year,” a young friend talked about the need to pursue a career in social work or criminal justice.  People in those professions had been a vital part of her growing-up years and, she said, up until that conversation, becoming one of them was the only way she knew to “make a difference.”

At the time, we were spending time with people who had “made a difference” in other ways; she was open to the idea that people can make more of a difference with “who they are” than with “what they do.”  I was delighted to hear that she was receptive to the idea that “trying lots of things” was a reasonable goal for the college-bound.

So many people shy away from “new” because it’s not comfortable; but what about the lucky ones who learn early on that a certain level of discomfort is the price of admission to a new adventure?  If we don’t encourage our kids to sample a variety  of what comes their way  –from science fairs to swim lessons– how will they discover hidden talents and passions? Parents who value ‘effort’ and ‘risk’ and celebrate ‘trying,’ ‘giving their best effort’ and ‘being open to opportunity’ seem to have kids who try, give their best effort and are open to opportunity!

Whether our kids shine with natural talent for or struggle to master basic skills, we have a chance teach them something special.  Our approach can gift them with the opportunity to show the same respect for everyone who is willing to set aside discomfort, to push themselves toward improvement and give to their best. As with so many aspects of being a parent, it’s attitude.

Excellence matters, but it takes most of us years to find our strengths.  As parents, do we offer enough space in our children’s lives to balance enjoyment of the familiar with exploration of the new?

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