(Good habits! Photo credit: Jayashreee)
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An honest bumper sticker?
Have you ever talked to someone about goals, dreams and plans? It can be fun and inspiring, especially if that conversation is with one or more of our children. There’s something about sharing a dream, visualizing a future result and making a plan to get it done that can bring people closer together.
And it doesn’t much matter what you (or they) are aiming for. Whether you want a promotion, the next step in a formal education, to take a great family vacation, write a book or win an award at the science fair, the same basic process applies. Desire, visualization, planning, action.
But what about someone who completes most of those steps only to tear apart their own dreams? I once heard a workshop speaker talk about those bumper stickers that say “I’d Rather Be…” (sailing, golfing, sleeping…) He said he disliked them because they were dishonest. “If people would truly rather be sailing, they would take the steps and make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen.”
It’s a story that comes to mind when I start to make excuses or to decide that I’m “too busy” for people or activities that matter to me. I think of it when people sign up for NaNoWriMo only to spend their time telling the rest of us they “don’t have time” to get their draft done.
These conversations tend to be loaded with “yabbits.” You know the ones in which the words… “Yeah, but…” introduce an obstacle or excuse. Sometimes a little supportive questioning is enough to help melt away the obstacles and lead to action. Other times it leads to more and better and stronger excuses: yabbits on steroids.
Knowing this can come in handy when the kids are peppering you with “wants.” Help them learn the difference between the casual, “it would be nice if” wants and the “I’m going to do everything in my power to make this happen” wants. Asking them about resources, the time they’re willing to commit and what they may have to sacrifice can lead to some great discussions and help them learn to “vote with their time.”
Kids easily pick up on the contradictions between what we say and what we do. And, yabbits are a great early warning sign. They can indicate fear, a lack of confidence or, in some situations, a lack of desire.
Good role models notice them and take the necessary action: give up the goal or give up the excuses and get on with it.
The consistency will benefit everyone around you.
We all know it’s important to teach our kids basic skills and the ones that we choose to start with vary from family to family. Such teaching can include the things that reflect our family values such as kindness and generosity. Other teaching focuses on the mechanics of life: telling time, basic household chores, personal hygiene and the like. Most parents do a pretty good job balancing the two.
But how much time do we spend on teaching those remarkable success skills most of us don’t learn about until later in life? What about goal-setting, visualization, Law of Attraction, contagious gratitude? Aren’t these the things that really set people apart from the pack?
Success stories begin with a dream and are accomplished by setting goals, hard work and sacrifice. On the other hand, I don’t subscribe to the school of “you can do anything you want.” We’re not all born with identical talents and abilities and it’s not fair to pretend that we are.
So how do we support our kids’ imaginations without stepping on their dreams?
First, recognize that being invited into our kids’ rich imaginations is a privilege. When we notice and value their skills (without being too pushy) we’re opening a door that encourages them to do the same. And teaching them the name “visualization” brings a level of adult importance not always associated with “day dreams” or “fantasy.”
Asking some (just a few) questions about what they see, hear and feel at various points in their story about hitting the game winning home run, winning the science fair or coming back to earth after space travel will help them practice the vivid mental and emotional skills vital to making visualizations work well. The answers can also give you valuable insights into what motivates this particular child: is it accomplishment? Teamwork? Exploration? Public accolades? A combination?
And, speaking of a question or two, have you incorporated that type of reward into your parenting toolkit?
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Speaking of visualization…. Did you know that Raising Good Grown-ups is now available on Kindle?
