Apr 122010
 

Wednesday is Pink Shirt Day.

If you’re asking “what’s that?” you’re not alone. The grassroots anti-bullying event began when two high schoolers saw a fellow student being bullied and took matters into their own hands. Non-violently.

Their compassionate intervention worked… and caught the attention and imagination of lots of people, especially Canadian broadcaster Christy Clark, shown here in a short interview about last year’s event.

I posted about these students at the beginning of the school year….. and just found this great ‘re-enactment’ on YouTube.

I am, by no means, a bullying ‘specialist.’ But I am a Mom and I am concerned about all of the risks facing our kids.

Big changes begin with increasing awareness. And one of the things I like about the approaches that I’m finding is that they speak to the importance of increasing awareness and taking small steps.

I will be adding posts on this topic throughout the week. Please add your resources to the mix by including them in comments…. and I’ll update our resources page as well.

And, of course, please pass all of these along to parents and teachers you know and love. Thanks!

Apr 082010
 
Mean Girls

Mean Girls (Photo credit: Cecilia Aros)

 

“What???” you may be thinking.  “How can any concerned, competent adult make such a statement?  Can’t you see what’s going on? Where’s your heart?”

Actually, my heart is breaking for the families affected by the increasing problem of bullying and my statement is made out of concern for them and for all of our kids.  Part of changing thoughts involves changing language, so let’s stop talking about bullying.  Let’s call it what it is.

I think that for some people ‘bullying’ conjures a relatively benign picture of verbal threats and taunting that, somehow, dissolve.  Clearly, that’s not what’s going on.

Most of you have heard of the tragic Phoebe Prince suicide in Hadley MA and are aware that charges have been filed.  Have you looked at the list of charges?  According to The New York Times they include: statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, harassment, stalking and disturbing a school assembly.  Is this “bullying?”

And, why look at language?  Simply, we can’t solve a problem until we know what it is.  Take another look at the news. Substitute another word for bullying.  Try one of these:  stalking, violence, assault, battering, torture, abuse, hate crimes….  do any of our interventions make sense now?

Extreme incidents do not spring up overnight.  They are the tragic endpoint of deliberate plans and action.  Law enforcement, child abuse and domestic violence advocates are familiar with the progression of violence.

Aggressors spend time and use tactics that prepare themselves and their victims for the next level of violence.  Some of the things that may occur before there’s any physical contact:

  • Verbal abuse about who a person is and what he or she values,
  • ŸTaunts about intelligence, appearance, race, religion or culture,
  • ŸSilence, exclusion, cold shoulders
  • ŸControlling where (and what) the ‘target’ goes, sees and does
  • ŸThreats of physical harm

Did I take this from the latest bestseller about bullying?  Nope.  Sorry.  It’s from a law enforcement training program.   From the Office for Victims of Crime.

Is it unfair of me to draw such strong parallels to domestic violence and other crimes?  What we have been doing is not working; the problem seems to be growing.  Like many of you, I don’t have a lot of answers.

But maybe I can do my part by helping to change the questions.

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