My inner critic (Photo credit: Sultry/sulky/silly)
“Andrea speaks to one of the fundamentals of self-discovery and self-healing in a voice that feels like she is sitting next to you…wise words, a few smiles, and an authentic presence to keep you moving toward your own AHA!” ~ Nancy Korzyniewski
##
Thanks, Nancy. And if you haven’t yet had an “aha” with your own #innercritic? Check out The Inner Critic Advantage: Making Peace With the Noise in Your Head now on Amazon.
Spinosaurus – 04 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“You can’t do that — you’re not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough….” or “What do you mean you’re not signing your kids up for soccer, art appreciation and Conversational Mandarin? How are they going to keep up?” It’s back: the Inner Critic chatter with the power to turn even the most competent parent into a quivering mess.
The pain of Inner Critic chatter is common: writers dread “the Inner Editor” and folks in the recovery community speak of “the Addict in the Attic.” Regardless of our primary role on a given day, there’s some form of the relentlessly self-critical voice in our heads available to shake our confidence.
As parents we seem especially vulnerable to the part of the brain so good at fault-finding and the amplification of fear. It makes sense:
It helps to recognize that critical inner voice as part the hard-wired early warning system we share with any species that has survived. That’s both good and bad news: it’s not going away but we can learn to manage it.[Tweet “Primitive instincts don’t always mesh well with our modern circumstances…”]
Next time your Inner Critic roars, stop and check in with yourself. What, specifically, is stressing you that moment? Then, give your Inner Critic its due. How might you be interpreting that stress as a threat to the survival of you or your loved ones?
Let’s return to the after-school example. Faced with a full schedule and a child is pining after lots of pricey options, you set a limit and choose one. Immediately “that voice” starts. You’re tempted to second guess.
Instead of questioning your worth, try asking yourself a question like this: have I internalized a message that Conversational Mandarin (or one of the other choices) is absolutely essential to earning a living in the future? Or that my child won’t have the same earning opportunities as other kids? Now translate that message for your primitive brain where “earning” equals “eating.”
Does your anxiety about the decision make a little more sense now? That primitive part of the brain has decided that this is a “life or death” decision. It probably isn’t… so you can thank your Inner Critic ….and move on to school supplies!
[Tweet “Thank your #InnerCritic and move on to buying school supplies!”]
##
Related articles
As the self-taught tech department, I find that each improvement leads to more improvements. (They also compete with blogging time.) Here’s a small re-cap about recent changes:
A new e-newsletter provider has led to a lot of site changes and an enormous learning curve for the tech department. (Guess who???? ) So, if you want to receive our “once in awhile newsletter” hop on over to the main site and sign up. I don’t spam ~ it comes out once a month-ish. You already know I’m not a high-pressure marketer. Forwarding my newsletters (with a note) is a great way to help connect your friends with me. I appreciate it.
What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement is now available in multiple e-reader formats including Kindle, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Sony Reader and…. [here]
By the way, if you like to read and you’re interested in supporting authors this link will take you to Smashwords where you can join an affiliate marketing program. Look around. Sign up. Introducing your friends, family, team members and readers to new books is a nice thing to do, don’t you think? (It’s a great way to encourage writers to keep writing!)
I’m also proud to announce the arrival of a brand new program created to help people manage negative self-talk and get unstuck! Inner Critic to Inner Ally: A Beginner’s Guide is available as an online self-study, with or without 30 days of e-mail support from yours truly. It’s getting great reviews from direct sellers, a management consultant and a few mental health providers. Although I originally wrote it with direct sellers in mind, I think it’s good for anyone struggling with “one foot on the gas and one on the brake.”
That’s what I’ve been up to. What’s good with you?
New "translations!" (Image via Wikipedia)
Thanks for your support, encouragement…. and helping to spread the word.
