Four Foundations Archives - Page 6 of 68 - What Kids Need to Succeed

Little girl equestrian riding her horse in the...

Image by mikebaird via Flickr

What’s the “adversity advantage” and why should we teach our kids to overcome challenges?

Simply put, kids who have the opportunity to practice problem-solving and bounce-back skills in childhood become adults who are better prepared for hitting life’s inevitable bumps in the road.

Everyone faces challenges. Unfortunately loving parental instincts can conspire to help us keep from preparing our kids for this reality. Challenges present choices: Better or bitter? Conquer or quit? Victor or victim?

Overcoming adversity is something most of us will face many times in our lives. Financial and family stresses, job losses, blending families, accidents, illness, bad teachers and unfair bosses… things don’t always go the way we have planned. Sometimes stresses just pile up and become too much. People can become overwhelmed and helpless. And, although there is no real way to prepare for much of what will come our way, it is still true that learning to overcome small challenges prepares us to tackle bigger ones.

It is also true that a child who has been raised to equate “obstacle” and “struggle” with “no”, “you can’t” or “don’t try” is starting off at a significant disadvantage over those who believe that obstacles push us to be better… to be as good as we can be.

Love for our children can make parents fearful and unreasonable. We want to protect them from danger — real or imagined. We want to spare them any –sometimes all — discomfort. While these decisions may be motivated by love and the best of intentions, this is a strategy that too often backfires. When parents choose to satisfy our “need to be needed” we may inadvertently slow our children’s steps toward independence.

Creating a bubble of privilege and protection around our children may make parents feel good in the short run. Unfortunately, that’s a “feel good” that can’t touch the pride you can feel as children grow and become independent adults. I’m not sure there’s anything more fulfilling than watching them develop bigger and better problem-solving skills, overcome new obstacles and achieve new goals is as they grow.

Poorer children in private preschools ‘at double disadvantage’

June 24, 2014
Posted by Andrea Patten at 12:01 pm
4 Responses
Four Foundations, Parenting

Lifelong learner hijacks Mom’s desk

Sometimes there’s a big gulf between adult goal-setting and the little bit we let our kids take part in. Reading this post about a child’s superior sales skills helped me think about the many ways we can improve our skills and connect with our kids at the same time.

Lots of families do homework together. What would happen if, instead of hovering over our kids to prevent the discomfort of error, we sat beside them, working on some of our own “medium concentration” tasks? What if we used the opportunity to consciously practice positive parental role modeling?

The next time the weather has you all stuck inside, why not try a family vision board session? Perhaps you could use it to plan a vacation or a holiday gathering. Or, have each person use it to plan a portion of the event and see how many you can incorporate. Either way, creating in the same time and space offers a wonderful opportunity to learn about each other… and the visuals can be a big help with communication.

A family ‘walk and talk’ after dinner gets everyone outdoors, away from the TV or computer screen and moving around a bit. And, if a more intense workout is needed, teens and tweens can be great accountability partners!

Want some help with meal planning and grocery shopping? Perhaps part of your team has great computer skills and can surf for coupons? Or maybe they can help use a site like All Recipes to find new uses for some of what’s hanging around in the pantry? In addition to (eventually) lightening your load a bit, this is a great way to share learning about what we eat and what we spend: choices they’ll be exercising every single day.

It’s impossible to overestimate the impact of childhood lessons — and especially the power of parental example — have later in life. And for those who have paired improving skills with having fun? That’s a “win” in anybody’s book.

June 18, 2014
Posted by Andrea Patten at 7:41 am
4 Responses
Four Foundations, Parenting
Tagged with: direct sales, E, performance improvement, vision board

Leon at stereo microscope (Photo credit: scalefreenetwork)

Some say the song of summer is made up of crickets, crackling camp fires and crunchy snacks. For others, it sounds like a high-pitched whine: “Mom, I’m bored.”

If that phrase is a “stopper” in your home business you’re not alone. Somehow our kids’ boredom has become something to be avoided at all costs. It makes lots of parents nervous. We quickly become entertainers, rummaging through our memories for something — anything — to capture out kids’ imaginations.

When did boredom go out of style and why do parents seem so frightened of it?

As with many of our well-intended efforts, the parental rush to instantly eliminate boredom may be sending the wrong message:

every moment must be filled
you are not responsible for your own feelings
uncomfortable feelings are a very bad thing and should be avoided at all costs
your uncomfortable feelings are more important than what I’m doing
something (or someone) outside of you can (and should) ‘make’ you feel better

Are these the things you want to be teaching the children in your life? And, even if you’re very fortunate and your kids are not taking those messages from your response, here’s another question to ask:

What happens once you’re not there to entertain them? What if they experience boredom in the class room? Or at sports practice? Or at the movies? Or on the job? Who is responsible for dropping everything and racing to the rescue then?

Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but sometimes it’s the easiest way to picture all of the consequences of our actions — intended or otherwise. As uncomfortable as it may be for parents, given the chance, kids can discover other interests.

Granted, you may regret a new-found interest in the history of the knock-knock joke… but who knows what they’ll come up with later????