Jul 092014
 
Washing Up!

Washing Up! (Photo credit: pacovida)

When parents speak of “discipline” they often focus on meting out consequences for undesirable behaviors.  I like to think in terms of what goes in to developing discipline as a personal quality.

It need not be complex.  When parents assign simple daily chores, such setting the dinner table, they provide an opportunity for their children have certain helpful experiences. Whether setting the table, feeding the dog or folding the laundry, developing the habit of completing a regular household chore can contribute quite a bit to a child’s growth and personal development.

  •   Doing a ‘real’ job helps build self esteem by allowing a child to be a vital, contributing member of the family.  Moving from make-believe cooking to ‘the real deal’ can be a mile marker on the road to being a grown-up
  •  Children start to learn that their actions matter and experience autonomy through the successful completion of a household chore.  There’s no denying a mowed lawn or a made bed!
  •  Most household jobs require a level of focus — especially when the person doing that work does not have a great deal of experience.
  •   Contributing to the family through completing one (or more) household jobs can teach a person how to complete an assignment and what good work habits feel like.  It’s an early taste of job satisfaction.
  •  Acquiring a new skill takes work, practice and repetition.  And we get to learn that “practice makes progress.”

Who knew the chore chart could be such a powerful and  important tool  in helping to develop the habit of personal discipline?

 

Jul 052014
 

Gift of imagination

“Part of the gift that we can give our children is the gift of imagination and vision: the beautiful spark that sees something not yet visible to others.”

 July 5, 2014  Tagged with:  Comments Off on Imagination
Jul 022014
 
Nurse and baby, copied for Miss Rodger in 1906

Nurse & baby, copied for Miss Rodger. 1906 (Credit: Musée McCord Museum)

 

 

There are things we hear so many times we start to think they’re true.  How about this one:  “Nobody teaches us how to be parents.”

I disagree.   We’re parenting experts: whether or not we’re aware, most of us have “studied” parenting  for years.   We’ve learned by watching what others do — especially the parents who raised us.  Whether we like the way they taught us or were injured by some of their choices we remember the lessons.  All of them. It’s as if small humans come equipped with a little video camera in our heads… the one that runs nonstop, 24 hours a day, seven days a week… forever.  [Tweet “It’s as if small humans come equipped with a little video camera in our heads…”]

Don’t believe me?  What about that unsettling experience of opening your mouth and hearing your parents’ words come out?  I can’t be the only one who has had that happen.  And to discover that by hearing something like “don’t make me turn this car around” is confusing.  Upsetting perhaps.  But the reason those words jump so quickly from our brains to our lips is simple: that’s what is in there.

Some people acknowledge and accept that programming without question. Others follow their parents’ paths unconsciously.  Still others make an effort to discard everything from their early years.  Many settle on a blend: trying to implement new ideas in some areas while keeping the best of the traditions they grew up with.

And we have plenty of material to work with before we read books and blogs or take courses.  Each of us has a range of strengths and weaknesses,  a wealth of experience to draw on during the hard times… and a bunch of pesky bad habits to tackle over and over again.

There as many definitions of success as there are individuals.  Part of the challenges of being a successful parent is to develop a definition that fits for you and your family.  Perhaps all of us really are parenting experts:  we have deeply imprinted models, a lot of time “in the laboratory”…. combined with data  and hypotheses about what works and what doesn’t.

 

 

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