Dale Carnegie Meets Mr. Rogers????

Feb 252012
 

 

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood

Image via Wikipedia

 

Friendship can be tough – and sometimes even more difficult to navigate without the longer view that age provides.  As the parent of the smartest, nicest, coolest kid in the group — the one who should automatically be the most popular – it can be tempting to jump right in and ‘straighten things out,’ can’t it?

Sometime during my son’s early baseball years, he apparently confided in his Grandpa.  One of the more popular players on the team was teasing him about not being as good a ball player.  (Evidently, this is not something that ‘guys’ tell their Moms!)  Gramp’s advice came straight from the pages of Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People – not exactly at the top of everyone’s list of favorite parenting books!

“I told him I knew of a magical solution —a solution that would turn the guy who was picking on him into his best friend.  I could tell that he wanted to hear but I refused to tell him until he promised me he would act upon my suggestion,” said Gramp.

Apparently, after promising to take action, my son got his instructions.  At the next opportunity, he was to talk to the guy…. to tell him that he thought he was a really good baseball player and ask for help on how to improve a specific part of his game.

According to Dad, my boy’s reaction was nothing short of ‘horrified.’  He tried to get out of doing it only to be quickly reminded of the promise he had just made.

Dad stops short of taking credit for what happened next; he admits that he wasn’t present during the boys’ next conversation… but it was not long after that the two former rivals started spending more time together.  Eventually they became close friends.

Speaking as someone who heard far too many Earl Nightingale motivational recordings before starting the fourth grade, I might not be the first to recommend this strategy to the average Little Leaguer.

On the other hand, I can’t argue with success.

Are You Prepared?

Mar 162011
 
104/365 cry by mellyjean
104/365 cry a photo by mellyjean on Flickr.
Sorry.  I’ve been trying to give you a new blog post for several days.  Instead I have coughed and sneezed and tossed and turned…. I’ve got “the yuck.”  In a big way.  Unfortunately that has meant way too much time on the couch in front of TV news.  Like you, my heart aches for the Japanese people coping with a disaster of barely imaginable proportions.  And of course, being me I wonder how it is that people can cope with real disasters with courage and grace while our little, personal “natural disasters” can render us helpless. 

Here’s a “replay” of a post called “Is Your Family Prepared for a Personal Earthquake?”

We know that when families grow and change it is not always by choice: divorce, job changes, relocation or re-marriage are not always choices that the entire extended family can agree on. The impact of those changes can rock our world in ways that we can’t imagine ahead of time. The foundation upon which our families have been built is tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.

While we may not choose the circumstances that create the change, we can always choose our response to it. Unfortunately, in our culture, most of us are not very good at making these changes, especially when we feel victimized by another’s decisions. In the midst of the shock and grief that accompany serious medical issues, or the hurt and anger that can go along with divorce, it can be really difficult to remember that we have choices — lots of them.

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where your are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” And while I’d like to take credit for such wise words, they are a favorite quote from Dale Carnegie.

So what should we think about in times of personal upheaval? I think that lots of us get into trouble by hanging on to ideas about some fictional perfect TV family – you know, the one we think everyone else has? Another common response is to keep our focus on the unfairness of the situation and relive with our friends, over and over again.

What would work better? People who, after surveying the damage and having a good cry, make a decision to ‘make the best’ of a situation always impress me. I find their approach inspiring and, frankly, would like to be better at that than I am.

A decision to shift focus from “why me?” to “what can I build that’s even better?” is an important first step.

Do you believe that it is possible to salvage what’s still good, clear away the rubble and build something even stronger than what you had?

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Google crisis response

Twitter resources for Japan

Mashable resources for Japan

 

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