Let’s celebrate their perfect 8-year-oldness
A few days ago an online friend (Melissa, owner of Pigtail Pals) posted a link about a mom who, to help her 8-year-old daughter “be perfect,” win pageants and “become a big star,” is reported to have repeatedly injected the child with Botox. Melissa challenged her readers to say something loving and compassionate to the Mom. It took me a while but here’s my attempt.
Dear Mother-who-injects-your-daughter-with-Botox,
I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but I choose to believe that you want what’s best for your child. In that spirit, I have a few thoughts to share.
Even though your daughter may be telling you she enjoys these treatments (and the waxing!) I wonder what else she thinks. Despite our best intentions, kids sometimes interpret our support in ways that we don’t intend. Are you sure she is interpreting this “beauty obsession” of yours as support? What if she sees the opposite? What if she believes you are trying to make her “less hideous?”
There was a picture. Your daughter is beautiful. Let’s assume that all three of us agree on that. What about the “big star” thing?
I raised a big star. So did my husband. Some of our friends did, too. But you won’t see them on a pageant runway, in the Hockey Hall of Fame or in the winner’s circle at Saratoga. They star in their lives and their jobs and their communities. They are All Star friends and stellar parents. They are kind and generous and smart and hardworking. And loved.
This might not be the stardom you’ve got in mind but have you considered the possibility that she may not become “the other type” of star? Please, please,please…. support her in preparing for either result.
Back when the only acceptable career my 9-year-old son could imagine was playing left wing for the Boston Bruins, I didn’t tell him it was impossible. Instead, we looked together at the:
- number of kids enrolled in youth hockey v. the number of NHL players
- importance of diet, exercise and injury prevention
- length of professional athletic careers and the need to have a “Plan B”
- importance of teamwork
- negotiation skills along with the ability to read and understand contracts
- way that fame can sometimes help sidetrack people from their values
I’ll bet there are important life skills you can help develop in your daughter — even within the pageant settings. You should be congratulated for helping her dream big. I hope that your big dreams include all of the other wonderful contributions she’ll be able to make — with or without stardom. Please help her value the rest of her beauty.
P.S. I’d have written sooner but I really had a hard time with the statement about helping her “be perfect.” Please enjoy today and her already perfect 8-year-old self.
Love,
Me
