I Want to Succeed But…

May 082012
 

English: Roller Derby game between the Cherry ...

Sometimes when I stop and take a look at the stats that my blogs and websites provide I get blown away.  That feeling can be caused by any number of things, especially unusually thoughtful comments or posts that draw people to them years after they were first posted.

Sometimes it’s the search terms people used to get to my blog.  That’s what it was today.  A search phrase.

“I want to succeed but feel that I can’t.”

Seeing that next to “terms people used to find your blog” elicited two conflicting reactions.  On one hand, it made me feel like crying…. on the other, I found it very inspiring.

You see, while we wrote What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement for parents lots of people tell me they use it for themselves: grown-ups who did not have parental support, young adults who (with or without family) are working hard toward a better life, people who are struggling to overcome illness or injury.

There are lots of parenting books full of “how to’s” and I’ve read a lot of them.  I’m proud of having added a book to help parents maintain a hopeful, positive attitude.  And hearing from people who are using the book to “edit” their own life stories touches my heart.  It brings to mind the expression “it’s never too late to have a happy childhoood.”

Regardless of the discipline, small shifts in focus and the willingness to apply a different interpretation can be useful in our personal development. Lots of successful people have had to overcome significant self doubt. They fail a lot.  They keep trying until they find what works… then they do more of it!

So to the people who typed “I want to succeed but feel that I can’t” into Google and ended up here: Thank you for stopping by.

Related posts:

Support and Inspiration

Apr 132012
 

Ludwig van Beethoven's Parents, Johann van Bee...

The other day a colleague told me she considered our book  What Kids Need to Succeed  “inspirational.”

Apparently I was silent for too long.  She went on to explain that, although she thought the book contains good and useful information, she believes that its greatest value is to provide support and inspiration to parents… especially when they doubt or question themselves.

I was only quiet because I was moved.  Frankly, it’s hard to imagine something better than throwing a virtual life preserver to a drowning parent and helping them to shore.  (Except maybe for those parents not to feel like they’re drowning in the first place…)

Being a parent can bring us face-to-face with some of the most powerful versions of anything we feel:  love, pride, joy, fear, self doubt.   Many people are fortunate to have had great parents to show them the way.  Others have to work much harder to extract the value from some of the early lessons. Buttons get pushed.  People hurt.

But feelings aren’t facts.  They can be a valuable source of information.  And sometimes we need help to translate our feelings in a way that is useful to us.

What if “I don’t feel like I can do this” means:

  • I need support
  • I’m taking on a big challenge
  • I’ve never done anything that matters more
  • I need to improve my skills
  • I’m going to get more training
  • I’m looking for a mentor
  • I want to make sure I’m looking at (and compensating for) my “blind spots”

What if “I don’t think I can do this” means you’ve got the open-mindedness and willingness to be great?

Creative Chores? 8 Questions to Consider

Nov 142011
 
"I live in a German family and feel just ...

Image via Wikipedia

Helping your kids develop a healthy work ethic doesn’t have to become another dreaded chore on your never-ending parental “to do” list.  Sometimes all it takes is a willingness to  look at household chores with a new eye.

Lots of families choose to get together on Saturday morning to knock out the bulk of their household chores as a team.  Some parents struggle with getting everyone together and handing out assignments.  Others find it difficult to strike a balance between involving the kids and keeping their high housekeeping standards intact.

The important thing is that our kids develop the attitudes and skills they will later need to manage for themselves.  Try not to be too stressed out about “getting it perfect;” maybe thinking a bit about “what they are learning” will make the whole process a bit more fun for all of you.

What can be learned through Saturday morning cleaning dates?  Well, obviously, the ‘hands-on’ skills e.g. dusting, polishing, sweeping and the like.

But what about organizational skills?  And the sense of teamwork and mutual support that comes into play when we tackle real tasks as a family?

There’s something to be said for growing up with an age-appropriate level of responsibility that lets a kid enjoy the  feeling of being a competent, contributing member of the household.  It’s certainly better than sending them off to college believing that the Laundry Fairy is going continue to fill their dresser drawers!

And please don’t underestimate the negotiating skills and creativity that can come from trying to get out of these family cleaning session!  Of course, if we let them, our children will often surprise us with new and better ways to achieve the desired results.

How do you divide up work?  Does everyone get to do the work they most enjoy or does your family work on rotation?  Do you use a chore chart?  Drawing from a jar? Do the kids ever get to decide… well… how to decide?  (Planting the seeds of leadership and time management skills, perhaps?)

Do you use rewards? Subtract “points” for sub-par work? Or get together afterward for fun and FREE rewards:  a walk, a trip to the library, a bike ride or 15 minutes later to bed.

The simple act of  regularly completing chores on can help to develop good lifetime habits: discipline,  a strong work ethic… and empty trash cans!

 Older Entries  Newer Entries