Checklist (Photo credit: o.tacke)
In an effort to be more proactive about bullying prevention, a Spencer, Massachusetts school gave students the opportunity to -anonymously – submit a list of bullies to some of their teachers.
Apparently the the five kids whose names showed up at the top of most of the lists were separated from the other kids for a period of time and carefully monitored in the halls, the cafeteria and in the bus lines. For a while.
I have seen a number of news reports about this. One features a Mom whose son was on the list. In that video, both she and her son admit that he has been a bully. Her son said that although he didn’t like the school’s intervention, it was effective. He doesn’t like the fact that other kids have been saying that, because he’s on that list, they don’t want to be friends.
The focus of that report, however, was on the Mom’s anger at the school — although I haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what she’s angry about. It seems to be for spotlighting the top five kids on the list and monitoring their behavior. The superintendent, while supporting the teachers’ intent, apparently has stopped ‘the list’ and the intervention.
But here’s something that only showed up in one of the reports: the young man in the report had been bullied at school for a long time prior to adopting the aggressive himself.
I’m confused. What do you think of what the teachers did? Is it discipline or is it abuse? The mom? Embarrassed, enabling or protective? The superintendent? Seeking fairness or avoiding headlines? Does responsible parenting mean asking ourselves whether or not OUR precious children could be perpetrating such behavior?
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9 Responses to “Bully List: Right or Wrong?”
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Wow, great story. The mom’s anger should be focused on her inabilty to address the fact that her sone was a bully since it seems she was aware.
As for the school I cannot say that I agree with the response since all it is doing is teaching the children to promote “othering” behavior in a different way. Exclusion tactics are not appropriate at anytime in my opinion and shaming does not always work.
If the students submitted a list of students they felt were bullies the school should have dealt with that problem confidentially, and there would have been a certain measure of shaming involved then too, but not in an outward way.
This way it is teaching children that exclusion is okay, as long as someone has determined that someone doesn’t measure up. It seems to me it is more of the same, instead of progress.
Excellent post, it really makes a person think.
Interesting comment! So what’s the difference between “othering” and “my actions have consequences?”
The only thing that is clear to me is that there is no “quick fix.”
Consequences for that child are also a lesson for the peers in exclusion. What difference does it make if someone is excluded because they don’t have enough money, or their parents are gay, or whatever the case may be. Exclusion is exclusion.
It is acceptable to do an anonymous survey that would produce a list of bullies and those bullies would be dealt with via “disciplinary” or behavior modification means, but the ultimate results of the list need not be made public so the rest of the children learn to exclude someone based on their decisions or actions.
If I exclude someone soley based on some of their actions because I do not agree with their actions, I pass judgment and say that I am somehow better. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, and bullies usually are conditioned in one way or another to learn their behavior was “acceptable” at some point. Many bullies are bullies because their life is somehow lacking and the act of bullying has been beneficial to them. Many bullies are crying out in someway, and many bullies were once victims and only became bullies to defend themselves or they were fed up. (wouldn’t that would be punishing the victims as usual)
It is not acceptable, in my opinion, to discipline based on exclusion and shame, but rather we need teaching them positive ways to interact and letting them know their behavior is harmful to others. We must humanize the victims rather than dehumanize the offender… after working in prison I can tell you this way does not work.
Bully list, definitely!! Children need to understand that they are held accountable for their actions. The mother is in denile that her child is a bully. Instead of lashing out on teacher’s who are trying to protect other children, she should assist them in finding a solution on how to deal with bullying. She’s pathetic and an enabler. She’s setting the example for her child on how not to be responsible.
Andrea, I’m confused too. Or society separates out people all the time. It’s called prison, which might have been this kid’s next home. What interests me is the kid saying the tactic was effective. He was shamed and it worked for him. He doesn’t like that people won’t be his friend because he’s on ‘the list.’ Now, what we adults have to teach him is the value of trust – how to earn it and rebuild it.
But I’d also want to know who bullied the bully. People don’t realize that the big monkey hitting the medium sized monkey hitting the little monkey is still alive and thriving in our society. Their enviroment and their dna play a role.
Wow – obviously people can disagree; hopefully without name calling. Perhaps that mom herself suffered abuse; who knows. Although there are many parents who are, indeed, in denial about their own children and we should work harder at being realistic about our kids, but there are parents who are in fear as well. Shame works sometimes, “outing” might work sometimes, teaching works sometimes, honest interchanges sometimes foster empathy. it is hard to know what will work in any particular situation. My feeling is that the principle had it kind of right, to take the names anonymously and to just watch the kids on the list, not to make a huge fuss about it, possibly to deal with it confidentially as well. But I agree, food for thought, and thoughtful people can disagree.
Hi all,
Sorry for the delay…. had two presentations over the past few days and am now packing to head out for a conference.
Thanks for all of your comments… I appreciate the fact that you took the time to add your thoughts to this important discussion. It is so clear to me that there is no ‘one size fits all’ answer… and that we need to keep talking about it — passionately and politely. I thank you for both. -a-
I think the mother is a bit off base, especially since she seems to know her kid is a bully. I’m a little worried about identifying bullies from anonymous voting; I can see how this can be abused with a campaign to smear a kid others didn’t like. I’m not sure how to confront the problem otherwise, however.
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