Bullying. Time to Stop Talking?

Apr 082010
 
Mean Girls

Mean Girls (Photo credit: Cecilia Aros)

 

“What???” you may be thinking.  “How can any concerned, competent adult make such a statement?  Can’t you see what’s going on? Where’s your heart?”

Actually, my heart is breaking for the families affected by the increasing problem of bullying and my statement is made out of concern for them and for all of our kids.  Part of changing thoughts involves changing language, so let’s stop talking about bullying.  Let’s call it what it is.

I think that for some people ‘bullying’ conjures a relatively benign picture of verbal threats and taunting that, somehow, dissolve.  Clearly, that’s not what’s going on.

Most of you have heard of the tragic Phoebe Prince suicide in Hadley MA and are aware that charges have been filed.  Have you looked at the list of charges?  According to The New York Times they include: statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, harassment, stalking and disturbing a school assembly.  Is this “bullying?”

And, why look at language?  Simply, we can’t solve a problem until we know what it is.  Take another look at the news. Substitute another word for bullying.  Try one of these:  stalking, violence, assault, battering, torture, abuse, hate crimes….  do any of our interventions make sense now?

Extreme incidents do not spring up overnight.  They are the tragic endpoint of deliberate plans and action.  Law enforcement, child abuse and domestic violence advocates are familiar with the progression of violence.

Aggressors spend time and use tactics that prepare themselves and their victims for the next level of violence.  Some of the things that may occur before there’s any physical contact:

  • Verbal abuse about who a person is and what he or she values,
  • ŸTaunts about intelligence, appearance, race, religion or culture,
  • ŸSilence, exclusion, cold shoulders
  • ŸControlling where (and what) the ‘target’ goes, sees and does
  • ŸThreats of physical harm

Did I take this from the latest bestseller about bullying?  Nope.  Sorry.  It’s from a law enforcement training program.   From the Office for Victims of Crime.

Is it unfair of me to draw such strong parallels to domestic violence and other crimes?  What we have been doing is not working; the problem seems to be growing.  Like many of you, I don’t have a lot of answers.

But maybe I can do my part by helping to change the questions.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Family Music Month

Apr 042010
 

 By Esther Jantzen, guest poster

Singing songs with kids is magical! Making music in any way stimulates the brain, brings happiness, and creates a sense of belonging. How about making your house a singing house regardless of how well any of you stay on pitch. Babies, toddlers, preschool children, elementary students, middle-school kids, high-schoolers all love to sing together. When you have time with your kids and want to do something fun, make music in your home. Whenever you get a chance, sing! Here ís what you can do:

1) Almost everyone in our culture knows certain songs like Old MacDonald,Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, Row, Row, Row Your Boat, and I’m a Little Teapot. Sing these and other common tunes to your kids. If you don’t know them, get a recording and play it for your children.

2) Make up your own songs to familiar tunes. Choose words that fit your family’s interests like, Dribble, dribble, dribble your ball… or Mom and Dad, they had a house, e-i-e-i-o….

3) Sing when you’re driving somewhere. Sing when you’re out on a walk. Sing every day. Singing conveys love. It touches us deeply.

 4) Do you remember songs you learned as a child? Songs you learned at school, in your place of worship, or from radio or TV ads. Do you know lullabies? Have you passed them on to your children? It makes a great family tradition to pass songs on. Do you love opera or gospel or blues? Sing with your kids.

5) Moving with music activates parts of the brain that might not get exercise another way. Play a lively song and dance free-form . March to your own music. Strut to your own songs.

6) Have your kids teach you songs they’ve learned. If they have a favorite song and don’t know the words, look them up on the internet or in a song book.

Write the words down and carry them with you until the kids know them.   * Family Music Month supports the English-Language Arts Content Standards related to listening and speaking strategies.

Esther Jantzen, Ed.D, is a mother, an educator and the author of Plus It! How to Easily Turn Everyday Activities into Learning Adventures for Kids available at www.plusitbook.com and the Way to Go! Family Learning Journal available through www.jantzenbooks.com

Fair Play for Coach Playfair?

Mar 312010
 
Hockey Cat

Hockey Cat (Photo credit: foodiesathome.com)

 

“How would you like to be followed by a video camera, with vivid color and complete sound recording capability, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, every day for eighteen years?”

That question came from a desire for a strong metaphor to help parents appreciate the power of their own example.  And now there’s YouTube.  Frankly, it is not what I had in mind.

I just spent over an hour googling AHL hockey coach Jim Playfair – mostly because I was curious to know who he was before his now-famous stick-breaking, mad dog crazy, foaming at the mouth tantrum on the job.  Televised.  And by now re-played more than a million times.  (OK, go ahead.)

Why did I spend an hour?  Mostly because I was sure that, with more than forty pages of results containing almost one million mentions, I would find something other than a link to that YouTube video.

I found a single page with his stats, and another two or three mentions of the fact that he was an Olympic torchbearer.  And it took the better part of an hour.

On the other hand, my search for Patrice Bergeron yielded one page linking to articles about his visits to injured high school hockey player Matt Brown… followed by several pages of other types of information.

Role models are important and everyone makes mistakes.  Do ‘bad acts’ render us one-dimensional?  Do they ‘weigh’ more than kindness and good grace?  Or, are we so addicted to the extreme, bizarre behavior that dominates the media that we have we started to think that this type of behavior ‘normal’?

Maybe some of you will take this opportunity to have family discussions about privacy and internet safety and reputation and doing the right thing, even when nobody’s watching. Others might talk about leadership and role modeling and sportsmanship, while others may talk about media biases.  There’s a lot to learn here!

By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, buried fairly far down in most of those articles, was an apology from Playfair to parents involved in youth sports — especially youth hockey.

But you’d have to get past the video to see it.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries