Big Dogs on the Brain?

May 282014
 

Not so scary after all.

 

Moments before arriving, a visiting friend reminded me that her small child was afraid of  dogs… especially BIG dogs. At the time, my family included a young,  intense German Shepherd Dog and a goofy, aging Lab.  Since neither could be described as ‘small,’ I promised my friend that I would kennel them for the afternoon so her daughter’s visit would not be ruined.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO: A friend reminded me her visiting child was afraid of dogs.
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Meeting for lunch before driving out to the house, I had a chance to chat with the little girl.  I explained that the dogs would bark when we arrived, that it was part of “their job.”  I also let her know they couldn’t get near her and asked her to help with their training by ignoring their noise.

Upon arrival, the dogs stopped barking almost instantly. They were intrigued.  My 5-year-old guest and I spent less than 10 minutes looking around in the barn and picking berries before she became fixated on the dogs and the kennel.

Before long she asked me if it was OK to bring them inside.  So, wearing training collars and leashes to help them pay attention, they sat quietly beside me. The grown-ups continued to talk about  ‘dog language‘ and how it is differs from ‘people language’, the way dogs rely on their noses to learn, that jumping and squealing encourage chasing, that calm behavior brings a calm response…. and that paying attention to these things can help kids stay safe.

FACE FEAR: The grown-ups talked about ‘dog language’ v. ‘people language’…
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My little friend asked if the dogs knew any tricks.  When I explained that to see one of them ‘perform’ the other would have to sit quietly beside her, the “formerly-frightened-of-big-dogs” child made my day.  She turned to her mother and said:

“Mom, these are not BIG dogs because I’m not afraid of them. I like them. These are MEDIUM dogs.”

Why is this such a favorite story?

  • Because it speaks to the power of support, data, exposure and engagement to overcome prejudice and fear.
  • It’s an example of trust opening a door and expanding a comfort zone.
  • It’s about the power of honest attraction over force and manipulation…
  • And because any one of us can replace a limiting thought with one that’s more useful.

Perhaps it’s an approach we can apply to other sources of fear.  Do you have any “dogs” that need shrinking?

FACE FEAR: “Mom, these are not BIG dogs because I’m not afraid of them.”…
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Once Upon a Skill Set

May 262014
 

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If we want a concept or a skill to become easy and natural for our kids, the manner in which we introduce it matters.  And, since it seems that children believe what we do much, much more than what we say we may be well advised to look for ways to improve our own skills and connect with our offspring at the same time.

Do you want to emphasize the importance of lifelong learning?  Lots of families do homework at the same big table: parents catching up on business reading while kids work on math and social studies projects.   “Regular exercise” gets more than lip service in a family ‘walk and talk‘ after dinner.

Every day of our adult lives we make countless small but important decisions about what we eat and what we spend, yet few adults remember any formal learning in those important areas.  You might want to become more conscious about sharing that process with your kids.  What would it be like to get your brood involved with meal planning and grocery shopping?  Maybe you can harness their tech skills and send the kids surfing for coupons or recipes.

It’s impossible to overestimate the impact of childhood lessons (and especially the power of parental example) have later in life.  Improving skills while having fun?  That’s a “win” in anybody’s book.

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Once Upon a Skill Set
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 May 26, 2014  Comments Off on Once Upon a Skill Set

“Mom, I Want to Quit the Team”

May 202014
 
Bounce

Bounce (Photo credit: JanetR3)

 

“Mom, LOOK!” shrieks the bouncing fourth-grader, waving a flier under your nose.  “It’s time to sign up for _________.” (circus camp, music lessons, archery)

A parental ‘deer in the deadlights moment,’ for sure.  How do you balance an already over-packed schedule, a child’s enthusiasm and time at home? After all, until we get used to it, any new activity takes up a lot of space.

Children think about new uniforms and teammates. Parents wonder about sign-ups, physicals, practice schedules, transportation, equipment, fund-raising, banquets and whatever else will be asked.  And, while most of us would like our kids to have a wide range of experiences, it’s not always possible to enroll them in everything that appeals to them.

What happens when you do give in to a child’s begging only to discover that he doesn’t like it as much as he thought he would?  Or, that she doesn’t really have a knack for it? And, now that you’ve got the ‘support structure’ in place, they want to quit the team? What’s a parent to do when they find that a child is floundering in a new activity?

It’s can be a tough call.  Before they leave a troublesome or difficult activity behind, is there something that they can learn that will help them to do better the next time?  Is there potential benefit in participating without being a ‘star’?

Sometimes the real trophy is the character-building that comes with warming a bench and leading the cheers.  The opportunity to learn to maintain a positive attitude when they’re rather be doing something else may be well-worth all the carpools, extra laundry and snack schedules combined.

 

 

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