The Benefits of Budgeting

Jul 302014
 
English: Shopping carts in ABC Tikkula.

English: Shopping carts in ABC Tikkula. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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When it is difficult to make ends meet there is a particular parental struggle that doesn’t need to exist:  it is not necessary to feel guilty about setting limits on previously over-indulged children.  In fact, even if you haven’t established a precedent of over-indulgence, there’s no need to feel guilty about setting economic limits.  Like any tough situation, this one holds potential for some valuable learning:  there can be long-term benefits to changing a child’s short-term economic expectations.

Of course it can be difficult to say “no” to someone we love – and all parents want to be able to give their kids the best of everything.  But how do we define “the best”?  Can it be in the skills that we introduce and allow them to practice?  How about the benefits of budgeting?

Here are a few:

  • Setting priorities:  What is it they want the most?
  • Money management:  What is the relationship between saving and spending?
  • Planning: What will it take to get it?  What resources to they already have?  Which ones will they need to develop or find?
  • Self-determination: Are they willing to work for it?
  • Research:  Is there a way to get a better price on “the thing”?  Is it ever on sale?  Can it be found second hand?
  • Problem-solving: If they’ve not saved enough money how will they earn more?  Odd jobs?  Yard sale?

Giving your children a chance to learn the benefits of budgeting is a gift that will last far longer than… well… just about anything on their list!

 

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Passion for the Possible

Jul 232014
 

 

A digital rendering of Rosco with his angel wi...

Digital rendering of Rosco with his angel wings, courtesy of Leonie. (Photo credit: marissabracke)

 

 “Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We’re afraid.’ ‘Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We will fall!’ ‘Come to the edge.’

 And they came.  And he pushed them.  And they flew.” ~ Christopher Logue

 

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Have you ever been around someone who seems to have superhuman energy?  These are the people who move — to fly — from task to task, seeming to gain momentum as the day goes on.  They never seem tired, bored or disinterested.  In fact, using their passion and curiosity  seems to creates more!

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Sometimes you’ll see it in artists and crafters.  Animal trainers and advocates.  Permaculturists and pre-school teachers.  Although the work they have chosen isn’t always high-paying,  they’ve discovered the cost of not pursing their passion is far, far greater than the monetary challenges they face.

People like this are happy “on the far edge of  the known.”  They love talking about what they do and always seem excited to spend time with others who share their passions.  They remain curious about what they can learn and enthusiastic about finding a way to return something equally valuable to teachers and mentors.  They ask questions like “What would happen if we….?”  They share a passion for the possible.

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What stands in the way of sharing their passion?  Many of us live with  ‘low grade’ fear, with a noisy Inner Critic dragging us down.  It ‘helps’ us stay focused on the possibility losing what we already have or not getting something we want.  We may have a list of things we’d like to try but the pull for security is stronger than the need to reach for the dreams we’ve listed.  Fear forces us to “play defense” and ask questions like “What if I fail?”  It’s not easy to grow and expand from that posture.

How do we move out of fear?  What does it take to become a “possibilitarians”? To learn to say “Of course I’ll fail at first — and it’s worth it because of what I’ll learn and how I’ll change in the process.”

Three things come to mind:

  • we get uncomfortable with the status quo,
  • we become open-minded and willing to change
  • start seeing examples of people doing the things we’d like to try

I wonder if we can shorten the time our children spend in this struggle by being that example for them.

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What is it that you love to do?  Do you love it enough to take risks? Do your children know what ‘winds your clock’?  Do you share those things with them? How do you do that?

 

Define Success for YOUR Kids?

Jul 162014
 
David Ortiz, mid warm up, turns back to the crowd.

David Ortiz, mid warm up. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

To say that I learned a lot in the course of becoming an indie author and publishing What Kids Need to Succeed would be an enormous understatement.  The lessons from a radically-changing publishing field were not unexpected.   But after more than two decades in human services, I was an experienced interviewer with an ear that had been tuned to hear what wasn’t being said; I was not prepared for early conversations that took place as the book’s structure was coming into focus.  Many of them held the edge of a challenge, asking with a sort of a chip on the shoulder, “Yeah… but how are you defining success?”

I’ll admit to not knowing how to answer.

I’ve had lots of discussions, conducted many interviews and participated in a lot of debates on the topic. I read and re-read transcripts of interviews. What I discovered was startling.  I was surprised that many people assume that wealthy people define success strictly in dollar terms or that authors do so by the number of published titles or book sales. The “lightbulb” was so obvious that I almost missed it.

There were as many definitions of success as there were people interviewed.  I “got it.”  Successful people take responsibility for their own definitions of success.  Success for Red Sox slugger David Ortiz might spell disaster for a researcher at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute… and vice versa.

Eventually I was able to complete the book in the same manner I conducted my practice with clients:  I do not define success for you.  Instead, I chose to share definitions from interview subjects, famous people and some great quotations on the topic.  My goal remains to support parents — not to take over any part of your job, including taking responsibility for the way you choose to define success either for yourself or for your child.

I don’t get to define you into (or out of) your aspirations.  Nobody gets to have that power, except you.  When we compare our insides to other people’s outsides perhaps it means we are ignoring the role that making choices plays in our lives…  but, tell me honestly, do you really care if your oncologist can hit a high fastball?

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