I’ve Been Avoiding You. Here’s why.

Jan 152013
 

It’s true. I haven’t felt much like coming here to write lately…. And there’s really no excuse for that.

Yes, I’ve been busy.  It took me forever to learn how to master the formatting for Kindle….  BUT I like the way it turned out AND the book is now available electronically in the UK and Germany.  So that’s cool.

And, Inner Critic to Inner Ally: A Beginner’s Guide, a self-study program I’ve been working on for a few months, is now a download on my personal site.  Sure, there a few details left…. and links to create and publicity to take care of… but, overall, I’m happy with it.

I just don’t want to write to you about parenting lately and it’s my baby’s ‘fault.’

I’m part of a big, blended family.  I adore my husband’s kids but did not get to be part of their lives until they were grown.  Despite having been privileged to have been invited to be intimately (but briefly) involved with  thousands of families  (first as a clinician, advocate and neighborhood Mom, later as an author and coach) I have only had one biological child.  He grew up to be a wonderful adult quite some time ago.  And he’s about to get married.

I love the woman he has chosen… and her daughter, too.  So many people start grandparenting with a baby; “young miss” and I keep joking about how lucky I am to start out in the 5th grade!  I love being a Mom and am looking forward to being a Grandma… more than I can say.

And that’s why I’ve been avoiding you:  it’s so much more than I can say right now.  When I feel things this intensely I withdraw.  I need to feel all of these strong, wonderful feelings before I share them.  So if the post schedule seems a little off, it is.  This involves other people…. and I don’t want to be gushy to the point of being embarrassing to anyone!  And I want to savor every moment.

So for the next few weeks, while I adjust to ‘new normal,’ I’m going to try something different here….  maybe even some guest posts. There are big changes going on…. and they’re wonderful.  I’m giving my head some time to catch up with my heart.  Stay tuned!

Is your family prepared for a ‘personal earthquake’?

Jan 042013
 

We know that when families grow and change it is not always by choice: divorce, job changes, relocation or re-marriage are not always choices that the entire extended family can agree on. The impact of those changes can rock our world in ways that we can’t imagine ahead of time. The foundation upon which our families have been built is tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.

While we may not choose the circumstances that create the change, we can always choose our response to it. Unfortunately, in our culture, most of us are not very good at making these changes, especially when we feel victimized by another’s decisions. In the midst of the shock and grief that accompany serious medical issues, or the hurt and anger that can go along with divorce, it can be really difficult to remember that we have choices — lots of them.

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where your are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” And while I’d like to take credit for such wise words, they are a favorite quote from Dale Carnegie.

So what should we think about in times of personal upheaval? I think that lots of us get into trouble by hanging on to ideas about some fictional perfect TV family – you know, the one we think everyone else has? Another common response is to keep our focus on the unfairness of the situation and relive with our friends, over and over again.

What would work better? People who, after surveying the damage and having a good cry, make a decision to ‘make the best’ of a situation always impress me. I find their approach inspiring and, frankly, would like to be better at that than I am.

A decision to shift focus from “why me “ to “what can I build that’s even better?” is an important first step. Do you believe that it is possible to salvage what’s still good, clear away the rubble and build something even stronger than what you had?

***
I recently recorded a presentation called “Why Blend When You Can Stand Out? Creating a Family that Works for All of You” for the Marriage and Family Online Conference series that debuts later this month. I am pleased to be partnering with them to bring new tools to parents.

Ten hours of tools and ideas from a variety of authors is available to early registrants (through this week) for only $39.99 On Monday March 22nd the price increases to $59.99

Click here for more information on the presentations for this month’s theme: Blended Families

Tired of Tearing Your Hair?

Mar 212010
 

If you’ve ever….

  • run out of answers for the kiddo who asks — about every 7.5 minutes — “Are we THERE yet?”
  • wanted a non-confrontational answer to “You’re not my REAL Mom.”
  • wondered how to cut down on “but Dad lets me….” conversations

Then check out the Blended Family Conference, coming to a computer near you on March 26th!  That’s right, you don’t have to go anywhere to get this information.  It’s available via simple downloads.  You and your spouse can listen from the comfort of your own home!

Marriage and family therapist Shirley Cress Dudley has gathered ten speakers — each with a different slant on helping you to make your blended family work better. And, while I haven’t asked everyone’s hourly rate, my guess is that ONE hour of time with one of these folks could cost as much as $100… and Shirley has brought TEN them together for a lot less.

By the way, these are not training sessions for therapists — they are tools that parents and step-parents can put to work right away.

I had a great time putting together, Why Blend When You Can Stand Out? Creating a Family That Works for All of You…. I know that with that one you’ll get a downloadable full-color guide to use for recording your goals for your family. (It sure beats arguing!)

I can’t guarantee that this conference is going to get your family to look like THIS….. but it can’t hurt!

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