Unexpected Gifts

Dec 292011
 

Many years of work in the recovery community taught me a lot.  The past two weeks have served to remind me of the gajillion and six times I’ve said (and heard) this:  “Plan plans, not results.”

My husband and I had a fairly elaborate holiday schedule lined up:  a few short trips together to be with part of our family, “divide and conquer” to connect with the rest.  We had planned a stretched-out Christmas celebration that would allow one or both of us to be face-to-face with about three fourths of our large extended family.  Parents.  Adult kids. Sibs.  Grandbabies.

Joy!

When we woke up on the day I was to shuttle him to the airport we were handed an unexpected twist: hacking coughs and high fevers all around.  So it was off to Urgent Care rather than “Departures,” the druggist rather than dinner.  We stuffed our TSA-friendly packages into an Express Mail box and dragged to the post office counter with about an hour to spare.  And with that, Christmas was cancelled.  (Or at least what was left of it was postponed for awhile.)

As a result of the plans we had made there were no ingredients for a special dinner.  Since we were the “designated road warriors” there was no Christmas tree.  Apparently each of us intended to finish up our gifts for the other on the two days we were to be apart.

Somewhere along the line we pronounced it officially the weirdest Christmas ever.

A couch.  A love seat.  Pillows, blanket and dogs.  Juice, tissues and cough drops. Soup from the freezer and cinnamon toast for dessert. Short, sweet “I love you’s” by text and a few by phone.  A long distance video Yankee Swap gift exchange.  Laughing at ourselves and each other. Sleeping a lot. Finding the line between “disappointed about plans” and “making the best of the moment.”  OD’ing on movies. And, to top it off, while watching A Christmas Story, realizing neither of us felt well enough even to fetch Chinese takeout.

And wondering about whether or not we managed to teach our kids that sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful thing.

English: Maggie tired from watching her doggie...

Sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful thing. (Image via Wikipedia)

Prefers Presence to Presents

Dec 072011
 
Traditional envelope containing money as a gif...

K.I.S.S. ~ Keep It Simple, Sweetie! (Image via Wikipedia)

I think I’m finally done freaking out about hearing Christmas carol muzak in early November and am easing into the holiday spirit.  We’ve made some travel arrangements, found some fun gifts and are going on the prowl for great light displays tonight when it gets dark. Granted, with grown-up kids and the majority of grandkids little enough to prefer an empty water bottle to a Wii, our approach is pretty mellow.  Despite some pressing project deadlines I’m relaxed enough to notice that lots of  people are completely frazzled.

Although I understand it far too well, I find it sad that in our quest to find “the perfect present” many of us render ourselves completely absent.  Spending too much, over-packing our schedules, eating fast food on the way to the mall…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating the perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach? What would happen if we chose to prefer presence over presents?

presence |ˈprezəns|n.  the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing: his presence still makes me smile • a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen: the crowd became aware of a powerful presence.

I love dictionaries and the shades of meaning they can bring us.  When I read this definition I thought about all of the unnecessary difficulties we humans (and especially parents) tend to create for ourselves.  Let’s face it: with the day-to-day struggles so many people face there are already plenty of opportunities to practice our “refuse to lose” skills.

My dictionary went on to tell me about ‘related phrases.’ The one that popped out was “presence of mind: the ability to remain calm and take quick, sensible action.”

Is there “quick, sensible action” you can take to reduce your stress and be more present through the coming weeks?   Stop. Connect. Breathe. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift your kids can enjoy every day.

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