Will Tuesday EVER come?

Jan 012012
 
Do you want to know a secret?

I’m not sure what set it off but I’m thinking about the many, many times that Moms (and a few Dads) have shared this guilty confession with me:

“I can’t wait for school vacation to end.”

Family members, friends, neighbors and many, many clients.  Strangers in the grocery store and the airport. People tell me things.  Parents who feel overwhelmed by school vacation have a lot in common.  They often think they’re alone with that thought; many of them feel guilty for even having it.

I don’t blame them a bit.  In the face of almost two months of 24/7 messages about perfect families and holiday cheer it’s easy to think that ours are the only families in which children argue, grandparents over-step their boundaries and people forget to say “thank you.”  Custody and visitation “stuff” can leave everyone involved feeling a bit lonelier and angrier and more stressed than they’d like.  Unfinished business bubbles to the surface and suddenly our beloved children seem like ill-mannered, greedy strangers. The gaps between what we WANT and what we actually HAVE…. between what we TRY and what actually HAPPENS…. can hurt.

As much as we try to avoid it,  pain is not necessarily the enemy. It’s a warning.  And while what you’re seeing and feeling may be completely “normal” — if something is causing you distress it may be time to change it. Especially where our children and our grandchildren are concerned.

While it may not really be possible to make New Year’s Resolutions for others, the changes we make in our own behavior impacts the people close to us.    It’s not too late to embrace a parenting style that helps our kids learn to be more independent and self sufficient… to appreciate the work involved with running a household.  But they can’t do that if you don’t let them partcipate.

The New Year is a good time to help get our entire family back on track,  to develop the skills and live the values that will carry them through … to build a foundation that will leave them on their feet no matter what life throws their way.

UPDATE

***OOPS*** The code you see below is a coupon for $2 off on any e-version of What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement here

WQ45C

Prefers Presence to Presents

Dec 072011
 
Traditional envelope containing money as a gif...

K.I.S.S. ~ Keep It Simple, Sweetie! (Image via Wikipedia)

I think I’m finally done freaking out about hearing Christmas carol muzak in early November and am easing into the holiday spirit.  We’ve made some travel arrangements, found some fun gifts and are going on the prowl for great light displays tonight when it gets dark. Granted, with grown-up kids and the majority of grandkids little enough to prefer an empty water bottle to a Wii, our approach is pretty mellow.  Despite some pressing project deadlines I’m relaxed enough to notice that lots of  people are completely frazzled.

Although I understand it far too well, I find it sad that in our quest to find “the perfect present” many of us render ourselves completely absent.  Spending too much, over-packing our schedules, eating fast food on the way to the mall…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating the perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach? What would happen if we chose to prefer presence over presents?

presence |ˈprezəns|n.  the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing: his presence still makes me smile • a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen: the crowd became aware of a powerful presence.

I love dictionaries and the shades of meaning they can bring us.  When I read this definition I thought about all of the unnecessary difficulties we humans (and especially parents) tend to create for ourselves.  Let’s face it: with the day-to-day struggles so many people face there are already plenty of opportunities to practice our “refuse to lose” skills.

My dictionary went on to tell me about ‘related phrases.’ The one that popped out was “presence of mind: the ability to remain calm and take quick, sensible action.”

Is there “quick, sensible action” you can take to reduce your stress and be more present through the coming weeks?   Stop. Connect. Breathe. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift your kids can enjoy every day.

Related articles

On Being Present

Dec 242010
 

It’s ironic that in our quest to find the perfect present people sometimes render themselves completely ‘absent.’

Racing around, over-scheduling, over-spending, eating fast food instead of what nourishes us…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating to perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach?

I’ve run this video before but it touches me enough to repeat on Christmas Eve day – partly because it’s a reminder that many of us can use every day and partly because I counted more that two dozen SPECIAL LAST MINUTE GIFT OFFERS in my inbox this morning.  Enough already!

Granted, I’ve been told that I’m not aggressive enough with my marketing.  Maybe I’m not.  But I won’t lie and call myself “the world’s leading expert” on anything.  I believe in what I do and what I write. But most importantly, I believe in you.  And I think it’s just rude to smack you in the face with one more commercial.

So, here you go…  enjoy.

A man played his violin in the subway.  He played for 45 minutes while more than a thousand people passed through on the way to work. Fewer than ten of those people stopped. About 30 put money in his case, netting him a little over $32.

The musician was the world-famous Joshua Bell, playing the same music he plays in concert halls where tickets sell for $100 each. The instrument he used is valued at more than $3 million. Washington Post writer Gene Weingarten was the mastermind behind the experiment. The Post received a Pulitzer for the story.

Weingarten’s questions had to do with perception of quality, choices and priorities. People familiar with the story have also asked ‘If we are too busy to notice a world class musician, what else are we missing?’

My point?

Are there wonderful things that are going on right under our noses?  Stop. Take a deep breath. Notice. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift you can give every day.