Tsk-tsk. Risk.

Dec 282012
 

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

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The first time I read that quote I got goosebumps. I thought about when my son was little and the amount of time I spent worrying. Sometimes it was legitimate. Other times, even though I wasn’t particularly over-protective, it was that unnamed, irrational fear that shows up just because….

I don’t really KNOW why it shows up. Maybe because we love our families SO much that we worry for their safety. Or maybe it’s because we worry about our own ability to respond well if something unforeseen was to happen.

How do you teach your kids about risk?

It takes guts to be a parent.

If you’ve ever done something you thought couldn’t be done, then you KNOW the feeling of exhilaration and competence that comes along accomplishment. Guiding our kids through achieving more and more difficult tasks helps them learn that they can. “They can.”

What is it they can do? Well, that’s between you and them. I just think it’s important that people learn that they can.

Here’s one of my favorite posts about that. “Mom, I’m a Waterskier!”

And a site where moms and people who love them go to change the world

Focus on the future helps us take a deep breath and remember that it is important to teach our kids to accurately evaluate risk and take the steps needed to get where they want to go.

Because they can.

To Unconsciousness… and Beyond!

Feb 172011
 
Struggle
Originally uploaded by ShutterMoth

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”  — Golda Meir

I’ve probably never told you about the barely believable string of problems I’ve had with websites over the years.  When I started, I knew absolutely NOTHING and was completely dependent on the people who DID know.

Not only that, we had to communicate and both parties had to do what they said they were going to do.

The nicest thing I have to say about that chapter of my life is: I tried to do what I said I was going to do — and I probably could have communicated better.   The problem was that, for a period of time, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  I was an “unconscious incompetent.”

Then it got worse.  I moved to the next stage of learning, the  really uncomfortable one:  the “conscious incompetent.”  I KNEW that there was a lot I didn’t understand and it made me more than a little nutty.

I got frustrated enough to make a decision:  I’m learning  how to do all of this myself.  I have a mentor.  I’m taking classes at the Apple Store.  I’m on a first name basis with several tech support people at the hosting company.

I am proud to say I’ve achieved “conscious incompetence.”  With a great deal of support and concentration I can do some of what I need to do.*   I have no idea how long it will take to progress to “unconscious competence”  when these skills have become second nature.

It makes me think about wanting things to be easy for our kids. It’s a wish that most parents share — it’s also fairly unrealistic.

I have shed tears and said a few choice words words on the way to some so-so results,  but at the ripe old age of “waaaaay over 21”  I’m learning how to be responsible for a part of my life I didn’t know I could handle.

It’s exhilarating.  And that’s a feeling I want  kids to have, time and time again.  Don’t you?

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* (If you’re going to be nice you can check out my beginner efforts — my personal site , some photography and design or the beginning of our consulting site.  I’m open to lots of support, encouragement and a little bit of constructive feedback!)

Related articles

Teaching Safety or Teaching Fear?

May 202009
 
electrical banana

electrical banana (Photo credit: the past tends to disappear)

 

As parents we teach our kids a lot about fear. We spend time and energy teaching them exactly what to be afraid of: an electrical outlet, the mean dog in the neighborhood, a hot stove and the deep end of a pool. Teaching our children to stay safe is an important part of a parent’s ‘job description.’

 

The way that we teach about those things can be just as important as the information we’re trying to convey. Where is your focus? Is your message “The world is a scary, dangerous place” or “I want you to have the information you need to make safe and responsible choices.” There’s a big difference, no?

 

In addition to the things that we consciously try to teach, even the smallest of children pick up non-verbal cues from the adults around them. Whether or not they have the words to tell us about it they notice the things that frighten the big people.

 

A fear that children sometimes pick up from their parents is the fear of failure. Whether parental perfectionism shows up in action or the re-living and re-hashing of our missteps, simple observation may teach kids may that failure is to be avoided at all costs. Left unchecked, this fear can grow, perhaps resulting in another grown-up person who is afraid to take risks.

 

We’re certainly not advocating unsafe behavior or risk for its own sake. Balance is important. When you talk to your kids about danger, do you ever talk about the steps that a person would take to be safe in that situation? (Bonus points if you let them talk first!) It’s a great opportunity to talk about assuming responsibility and what’s appropriate at various ages.

 

Remember, amazing things can happen when people are not afraid to ask ‘What if?” or “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I try?”

 

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