What if Goals Don’t Matter?

Oct 132009
 

Many of the workshops I teach are about setting goals and taking action to reach them.  Short articles don’t reflect one important discussion that often takes place in those workshops:  “what if our goals don’t matter?”

Now before you click off of the page, this is not as depressing as it first sounds.

The idea came from a long ago conversation with my friend Penny.  We were at a conference and had just attended a workshop that featured some very aggressive goal-setting and achievement techniques that didn’t really fit for either of us.  Busy Moms with demanding jobs and lots of interests, we wondered why we had both been so turned off by the speaker.

We were left with a similar question.  What if our goals don’t matter?

I suspect it’s a question a lot of people struggle with and we had a great discussion.  While there are certain things that are vital to achieve there are others that would just be nice.  Extras.  Dreams.  Fantasies. 

She and I were both struggling with the idea that, while we both like moving forward in accomplishment and believe that we have the ability to make at least some of our dreams come true, it is not always necessary.  We both had (and continue to have) wonderful lives and are very, very grateful for that.  And that is what made the new goals ‘not matter’ – the fact that life is full and wonderful the way it is.

I think that this is a vital step that may be missing from some of the ‘success teachings.’  We don’t have to be dissatisfied to set goals.  In fact, being grateful for what we already have is an important first step.  Full acknowledgement, gratitude and enjoyment of what we already have helps us to build on strengths.   It connects us with our strong foundation as we build an even better future.

Help Your Kids Get S.M.A.R.T. About Goals

Feb 132009
 
Mailboxes - Canyon Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico

Mailboxes. Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM (Photo credit: David Schroeder)

 

Nobody is born knowing how to set goals. It’s another on that long list of things that our children need to learn before they leave our care.

However, even parents who are accustomed to setting and achieving goals may not know how to teach that skill – especially to their children.

That’s where it pays to be S.M.A.R.T. The letters stand for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely. It’s a great way to
remember all of the steps to creating useful goals.

Specific: It would be nice if “I’ll do better” was enough to get the job done, but good goals need to be worded a bit differently. “I will make my bed without being reminded for five days in a row” or “Pull all weeds from the flower bed next to the mailbox” are clear and specific.

Measurable: You may want to substitute the term “observable”. “Get a better grade in English” is tougher to assess than “Get 100% on my next three spelling tests.” It’s certainly measurable and observable!

Achievable: Let’s go back to that pesky English grade. “Getting an ‘A’ in English” may not be possible simply because someone else actually gives the grades. However, an achievable goal in this area might be: “All of my English papers will be submitted on time, neatly typed, properly footnoted, free from spelling errors and meeting or exceeding requirements for length and content.” Attainment of THAT goal is certainly achievable (and may lead to that ‘A’ grade as well.)

Realistic: This is similar but has to do with choices and resources. Lots of people dream of a career in pro sports, but few of us have the required talent. This may be a time that you’ll have to get really creative but perhaps you can help a child formulate a goal that incorporates Tiger Wood’s generosity or Cal Ripkin’s work ethic.

Timely: A goal is a dream with a deadline. Help it along by adding an appropriate time frame. Whether it’s a deadline (“by October 1st…”)
or a time period (“every day for a week”) it is a factor that helps move from planning to action.

Social science research tells us that there is a correlation between goal attainment & personal fulfillment. Imagine… having the skills to
choose what we want and ability to get that job done helps us feel good. What a great gift to give someone you love.

 

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