6 Ways Losing Taught Me to Win

Jan 042013
 
Towa-winner

Image via Wikipedia

 Anna Poruks

I lost a lot before I got to middle school: our family business, my parents’ marriage, my childhood home.  This series of big losses were not enough to prepare me for losing my relationship with my father and most of my mother’s guidance.

Although bad decisions, mental health issues and probably some plain, old-fashioned bad luck took these things from me before I was even 13, they left me with something far better.   Take a look:

1)  Science tells us that feedback from facial expressions affects emotions and behavior; a simple smile can work wonders.  Even if you’re feeling sad, smiling and staying upbeat can significantly improve your mood.

2)  No matter how hard I try, some things are just out of my control.  Instead of grieving over things that I cannot change I try to see the positive. For example, in a life full of abrupt transitions and unpredictability, I have naturally become accustomed to change.  I choose to love and embrace it.

3)  I believe that success in life is not just handed to people; we must make the choice to do ‘whatever it takes’ to achieve goals.  I have made the conscious choice to chase my dreams and become something great.  I take pride in being positive, open-minded, and original.

4)  I was an incredibly shy child, which was a big disadvantage.  I missed out on many opportunities simply because I was afraid to “put myself out there.”  When circumstances required me to change that part of my personality, I made amazing friends and am happier than ever.

5)  Even though some routines are necessary, it’s important to get away, try things and immerse ourselves in something totally new.  I call monotony “life’s kiss of death” and believe that the “daily grind” is what weighs people down.

6) Growing up I endured many unpleasant experiences and those memories will stay with me forever. However, I have become incredibly thankful for them because they have forced me to mature and molded me into the strong, motivated person I am today.

While I would not wish this sort of upbringing on anyone, I am profoundly grateful for its gifts and lessons.  They make up a foundation that nobody can ever take from me.

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Anna is a first year student at The College of New Jersey where she is majoring in psychology and plans a career in psychiatry.  In her limited “free” time she plays club volleyball and is active in a variety of campus groups.

The S.M.A.R.T.est Kids Around?

Mar 302012
 
height chart

height chart (Photo credit: Joelk75)

Were you born knowing how to set goals?  How did you learn?  At home?  Or was it a skill you acquired later in life?  Skills we acquire early in life become tools that we later use with little effort.  So, if you believe that goal-setting is an important skill, how do you go about sharing it with your children?

To be S.M.A.R.T.  about goal-setting helps us remember all of the parts of an effective goal:  Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely. 

Specific: If “I’ll do better” was enough… well, we all know it’s not.  A clearly worded goal is essential to success.  “I will pack my backpack with completed homework, books and signed permissions and put it by the door before my T.V show without being reminded for three days in a row” or “Try two bites of a new food at least once per week.” 

Measurable: How will you know you have succeeded? “Get a better grade in Science” is harder to assess than “Achieve a score of 75% or better on my next two labs.” 

Achievable: Let’s go back to grades. “Getting an ‘A’ ” is not always completely within the students’ control: someone else actually gives the grades. However, an achievable goal in this area might be: “All of my papers will be submitted on time, free from spelling errors and meeting (or exceeding) the length and content assigned.”  The difference?  All parts of the goal are within the student’s control.  

Realistic:  Many of us can relate to ‘crash dieting’ as an example.  As much as we might LIKE  the  idea of losing 10 pounds in five days we know that it doesn’t make any more sense than trying to raise a grade 50% in a week.  Help your kids apply reasonable filters to their goals.

Timely: One of my favorite definitions of a goal is “a dream with a deadline.”   The way that we introduce time depends on what we’re trying to achieve.  Adding a deadline (“by December 31st…”) or a time period (“every day for a month”)helps turn dreams to reality, moving them from planning to action. 

Does your family set goals together?

More or Less….

Jan 122012
 

Anyone having a holiday hangover??

Holidays can be tough. Although it flies in the face of  the story we tell ourselves every year there are gaps between what we WANT and what we HAVE…. between what we PLAN and what actually HAPPENS.  It’s hard not to get caught up in the swirl of gifts and get-togethers, meals and misunderstandings.  And then, of course, there are the overs:  over spending, over eating and all sorts of other opportunities for over indulgence.

It can really hurt when we see the results in our children.

Have you ever experienced that awful feeling in the pit of the stomach that goes along with mentally tallying up the time and money you spent on holiday gifts… only to see them tossed aside as your little ones clamor for “MORE”?

UGH.

MORE.

It’s in our brains: to consume more food, acquire more ‘stuff,’ conquer more space….  is one of those lizard brain survival ‘things’ that’s been with us for a long time.

But it seems to me that lots of people are paying attention to that feeling and using it  to move toward both a smaller budget and a simpler life.  Circumstances are pushing people to think more about the difference between wants and needs…. about how to live a life that better reflects their values.

One of my favorite things about this time of year is the way that resolutions and planning for the New Year can help us focus on what is most meaningful in our lives.

“In 2012 I want more ______________ and less ________________ for myself and for my family.”

How do you fill in those blanks? What changes do you need to make to turn those “wants” into reality?