Failure: a Great Opportunity!

Jan 272013
 
Good Sportsmanship II

Good Sportsmanship II (Photo credit: versageek)

 

When kids try new things, sometimes it’s a “fit” and sometimes a struggle.

So what’s a parent to do when they find that a child is floundering in a new activity? What if your son is in over his head? Or your daughter is not doing as well as either of you had hoped? What if they even fail outright?

Often, they’re tempted to give up. Just to quit. And with the busy schedule facing most families, supporting that decision can be a real temptation. But what’s the lesson from that? Quitting just makes it easier to quit again later, or, worse still, can stifle the urge to tackle future challenges.

When faced with failure at a new activity, another option is to help your child to take a lesson from the experience. Before they leave a troublesome or difficult activity behind, is there something that they can learn that will help them to do better the next time?

The topic of ‘my child’s failures’ is a tough one for some parents to look at. But here’s a hint: try hard to keep them just that — your   kids’ failures.

[Tweet “Quitting makes it easier to quit again later or to avoid tackling future challenges.”]

If you’re concerned that their performance reflects on you, you’re right. It does. But the performance that most adults care about is the one that has to do with your child’s values and character. The child who picks herself up, dusts herself off and gets back into the game, shows a level of resiliency and confidence that is a credit to both of you.

No teacher, coach or fellow parent ever looked down on a parent whose child gave 100% effort. If your child isn’t talented in sports, but tries and gives his and demonstrated good sportsmanship, you’ll be regarded as a good parent.

 

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High Quality Compliments!

Jan 112013
 

by Esther Jantzen, guest poster

Children thrive when grown-ups point out their good qualities and the things they are doing well. Compliments are some of the best gifts you can give your child.

This activity teaches kids words they might not know. Here are several ways to do it: below are 45 words for positive traits. See if you can add 15 more to the list:

Active, determined, kind, adventurous, energetic, lively, artistic, enthusiastic, loving, aware, expressive, observant, beautiful, forgiving, open, bold, friendly, patient, brave, generous, powerful, bright, gentle, ready-to-learn, capable, handsome, respectful, caring, happy, responsible, changing, hard-working, sensitive, confident, honest strong, cooperative, imaginative, thoughtful, creative, inventive, unique, dependable, joyful, wise

1) Write each family member’s name on a separate piece of paper. Either alone or with others, write as many positive words as you can think of to describe each person. Give the paper to them.

2) When you find a family member doing a positive behavior, tell them! Tell them the specific instance when you saw that behavior. For example, say, “You sure were being gentle when you held that kitten.” Or, “I liked how energetically and quickly you picked up the papers from the floor.”

Compliments supports the English-Language Arts Content Standards related to vocabulary and concept development.

Esther Jantzen, Ed.D, is a mother, an educator and the author of Plus It! How to Easily Turn Everyday Activities into Learning Adventures for Kids available at www.plusitbook.com and the Way to Go! Family Learning Journal available through www.jantzenbooks.com

Botox, Fame & Fortune for Kids

Dec 282012
 
little girl playing dress-up

Let’s celebrate their perfect 8-year-oldness

A few days ago an online friend (Melissa, owner of Pigtail Pals) posted a link about a mom who, to help her 8-year-old daughter “be perfect,” win pageants and “become a big star,” is reported to have repeatedly injected the child with Botox. Melissa challenged her readers to say something loving and compassionate to the Mom. It took me a while but here’s my attempt.

Dear Mother-who-injects-your-daughter-with-Botox,

I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but I choose to believe that you want what’s best for your child.  In that spirit, I have a few thoughts to share.

Even though your daughter may be telling you she enjoys these treatments (and the waxing!) I wonder what else she thinks. Despite our best intentions, kids sometimes interpret our support in ways that we don’t intend. Are you sure she is interpreting this “beauty obsession” of yours as support? What if she sees the opposite? What if she believes you are trying to make her “less hideous?”

There was a picture. Your daughter is beautiful. Let’s assume that all three of us agree on that. What about the “big star” thing?

I raised a big star. So did my husband. Some of our friends did, too. But you won’t see them on a pageant runway, in the Hockey Hall of Fame or in the winner’s circle at Saratoga. They star in their lives and their jobs and their communities. They are All Star friends and stellar parents. They are kind and generous and smart and hardworking. And loved.

This might not be the stardom you’ve got in mind but have you considered the possibility that she may not become “the other type” of star? Please, please,please…. support her in preparing for either result.

Back when the only acceptable career my 9-year-old son could imagine was playing left wing for the Boston Bruins, I didn’t tell him it was impossible. Instead, we looked together at the:

  • number of kids enrolled in youth hockey v. the number of NHL players
  • importance of diet, exercise and injury prevention
  • length of professional athletic careers and the need to have a “Plan B”
  • importance of teamwork
  • negotiation skills along with the ability to read and understand contracts
  • way that fame can sometimes help sidetrack people from their values

I’ll bet there are important life skills you can help develop in your daughter — even within the pageant settings. You should be congratulated for helping her dream big.  I hope that  your big dreams include all of the other wonderful contributions she’ll be able to make — with or without stardom.   Please help her value the rest of her beauty.

P.S. I’d have written sooner but I really had a hard time with the statement about helping her “be perfect.”  Please enjoy today and her already perfect 8-year-old self.

Love,

Me

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