Mar 222012
 
(Like what you see?, originally uploaded by lesleymcl.)
People get stuck.  It happens to everyone.  We don’t all have the same skills and talents nor do we have access to the same resources.   What’s challenging to me might be a breeze for you… and vice versa.
Having visited “The Land of Stuck” once (or a couple of hundred times) in the course of being on the planet, I’ve had an opportunity to think about stuckness.  A variety of things can lead me to that stuck place:  a need to learn certain skills, not knowing where to start or thinking I should be able to conquer the obstacle (whatever it may be) on my own.  It’s not all that difficult for most people to easily point to one or more legitimate causes for ending up back there.
And, when we’ve had enough, we eventually reach out for help.  The internet. Books, blogs and experts.  Maybe an ‘ear’ from a friend… or a series of sessions with a life coach.  In our role as parents we turn to teachers and tutors and troop leaders and the coaches who lead our kids’ activities.
But like so many things, I’ve started to wonder if we’re solving the right problem.  What if the real problem is our resistance?  What if we stay stuck longer than necessary simply because we don’t think “it” should be happening to us or to our kids?
All parents want to protect their children.  And, in our quest to be the best, we can get carried away.  I wonder if this “it shouldn’t happen to _______________”  (me or my family or my child ) attitude fosters a sense of entitlement that contributes to people being being unable to bounce back from adversity.  Sometimes life’s greatest challenges reveal talents and strengths we didn’t know were there.  I really enjoyed the way that Simon Sinek wrote about that here:   Our Survival Skills Become Our Talents .
It’s easy to be grateful and celebrate when things are going our way… but it’s quite a bonus to learn that some of the “tough stuff” is simply ugly wrapping paper on our greatest gifts.
Dec 072011
 
Traditional envelope containing money as a gif...

K.I.S.S. ~ Keep It Simple, Sweetie! (Image via Wikipedia)

I think I’m finally done freaking out about hearing Christmas carol muzak in early November and am easing into the holiday spirit.  We’ve made some travel arrangements, found some fun gifts and are going on the prowl for great light displays tonight when it gets dark. Granted, with grown-up kids and the majority of grandkids little enough to prefer an empty water bottle to a Wii, our approach is pretty mellow.  Despite some pressing project deadlines I’m relaxed enough to notice that lots of  people are completely frazzled.

Although I understand it far too well, I find it sad that in our quest to find “the perfect present” many of us render ourselves completely absent.  Spending too much, over-packing our schedules, eating fast food on the way to the mall…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating the perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach? What would happen if we chose to prefer presence over presents?

presence |ˈprezəns|n.  the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing: his presence still makes me smile • a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen: the crowd became aware of a powerful presence.

I love dictionaries and the shades of meaning they can bring us.  When I read this definition I thought about all of the unnecessary difficulties we humans (and especially parents) tend to create for ourselves.  Let’s face it: with the day-to-day struggles so many people face there are already plenty of opportunities to practice our “refuse to lose” skills.

My dictionary went on to tell me about ‘related phrases.’ The one that popped out was “presence of mind: the ability to remain calm and take quick, sensible action.”

Is there “quick, sensible action” you can take to reduce your stress and be more present through the coming weeks?   Stop. Connect. Breathe. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift your kids can enjoy every day.