Fanning the Flames

Jan 042013
 
Fan the flames

Fan the flames (Photo credit: Dey)

Some days my gratitude list includes that fact that my parents were busy and overwhelmed learning how to take care of me – otherwise, they might have had time to find out that teen parents are destined to poverty and failure!  Fortunately they didn’t know that.

 At the age of nineteen, they were married, full time university students – and parents. Whatever their plans had been until then, they now had responsibilities to take care of.

 Fortunately, their parents had taken the time to plant their feet on the ground and aim their eyes toward the sky.  It never occurred to them to do anything BUT to figure out how to create the best possible family they could.  They were blessed with the examples of hard work, goal setting and ‘stick-to-it-ive-ness.’  It took ‘early parenthood’ to bring these skills and attitudes into focus.

 That’s the point.  Everyone starts somewhere.  People are born with unlimited amounts of potential, most of which never gets tapped.  Early in their lives, something or someone creates a spark.  Circumstances – often unpleasant ones – help them catch fire, get to work and accomplish the things that matters to them.

 Are the tough times in your life fanning a spark that will grow into a flame?

A Quiz for Parents: What are they REALLY Learning?

Jan 042013
 

Student teacher in China teaching children Eng...

Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment from school. He’s very excited about it and puts in a lot of time to perfect it. He’s thrilled with the result and can’t wait to take it to school.

A few days later, he comes through the door, picks a fight with a younger sibling and bursts into tears. Finally, he manages to tell you that the project he was so proud of was ‘unacceptable,’ that the teacher wants him to do it over.

What’s your first reaction?

a) Protective – “I’ll straighten this out.”
b) Embarrassed – “MY son always gets good grades.”
c) Angry – “That teacher is picking on my son!”
d) Worried – “This could be damaging to his self esteem.”
e) Grateful- “He’s got someone who’s really going to push him to reach his potential this year.”

I think that lots of parents want to believe that ‘e’ is the right answer…. I just remember wishing that it wasn’t so difficult to stifle all of the other reactions on my way to that answer! Sometimes the urge to protect goes a bit too far.

As parents, it’s not our job to see that our children never experience sadness, disappointment or frustration. As much as most of us would like to, we’re probably not going to be able to keep those things out of their lives — now OR when they become adults. But, we can do the next best thing.

We can invest the time that it takes to prepare them to face life’s struggles.

Instead of trying to shield our kids from ‘negativity’ let’s help them embrace tough situations. Why not use the bumps provided by the classroom or the playground to build the strengths they’ll need when applying for a job or surviving an unhappy supervisor?

Isn’t that real learning?

The ‘Ogre’ On The Diamond

Dec 282012
 

 

Sox Bench

Sox Bench (Photo credit: Oberazzi)

 

For years your kids have played organized sports. The focus has probably been on having fun, on feeling good and maybe learning something about the game. On building confidence. And, of course, on self-esteem.

 

But are these leagues being used to teach attitudes, skill and lessons that will serve them later in life?

 

I remember watching a friend fill in for an absent youth league baseball coach. I don’t think it was the ’substitute teacher phenomenon’ that rendered one of our young team members absolutely incapable of controlling himself. Especially his language. It became completely inappropriate. Rude, crude and downright abusive – and it didn’t seem to matter whether it was directed at his peers or the adults involved.

 

The substitute coach asked him to stop. Then he told him to stop. Then Coach explained very clearly. “This is the last time I am going to tell you to stop swearing. If you do it again – even one more time – you won’t get to play today.”

 

Of course, our young friend, fully schooled in his own ’star power’ couldn’t imagine such a scenario. As a result, he was very surprised when the next curse word resulted his being removed from the bench.

 

How would you react?

 

You could join in with the kids’ complaints about the coach’s unfairness. You could complain to the league or to the other parents. Or, you remind the kids who you are close to you that, with his behavior, the young ’star’ chose to be in the stands rather than to help them win the game.

 

Maybe you could even thank the coach and ask if he’d consider becoming more involved. After all, don’t your kids deserve someone who will model doing the right thing instead of the easy, popular thing?

 

 

 

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