Mar 222012
 
(Like what you see?, originally uploaded by lesleymcl.)
People get stuck.  It happens to everyone.  We don’t all have the same skills and talents nor do we have access to the same resources.   What’s challenging to me might be a breeze for you… and vice versa.
Having visited “The Land of Stuck” once (or a couple of hundred times) in the course of being on the planet, I’ve had an opportunity to think about stuckness.  A variety of things can lead me to that stuck place:  a need to learn certain skills, not knowing where to start or thinking I should be able to conquer the obstacle (whatever it may be) on my own.  It’s not all that difficult for most people to easily point to one or more legitimate causes for ending up back there.
And, when we’ve had enough, we eventually reach out for help.  The internet. Books, blogs and experts.  Maybe an ‘ear’ from a friend… or a series of sessions with a life coach.  In our role as parents we turn to teachers and tutors and troop leaders and the coaches who lead our kids’ activities.
But like so many things, I’ve started to wonder if we’re solving the right problem.  What if the real problem is our resistance?  What if we stay stuck longer than necessary simply because we don’t think “it” should be happening to us or to our kids?
All parents want to protect their children.  And, in our quest to be the best, we can get carried away.  I wonder if this “it shouldn’t happen to _______________”  (me or my family or my child ) attitude fosters a sense of entitlement that contributes to people being being unable to bounce back from adversity.  Sometimes life’s greatest challenges reveal talents and strengths we didn’t know were there.  I really enjoyed the way that Simon Sinek wrote about that here:   Our Survival Skills Become Our Talents .
It’s easy to be grateful and celebrate when things are going our way… but it’s quite a bonus to learn that some of the “tough stuff” is simply ugly wrapping paper on our greatest gifts.
Mar 132012
 

Lightning

 

Why did we say (in What Kids Need to Succeed) that teaching kids to develop a strong work ethic is important enough to label it one of the Four Foundations?

Well, unless as a parent you’ve been endowed with a magic wand and are going to live forever, at some point your children are going to have to exchange effort for results. Regardless of what they want, the ability to focus that energy is a skill that will either help or hinder then throughout their adult lives.

Here are what some others had to say on the subject:

  • “Less talk – more work!  There is too much talking going on.  Because of excessive talking, spiritual energy is being wasted.”  ~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba
  •  “Work is love made visible.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
  • “Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does all the work.” ~  Mark Twain
Jan 242012
 
English: France in 2000 year (XXI century). Fu...

Image via Wikipedia

One of the things I love about my work is the opportunity to collaborate with some wonderful people.  In a phone call last week one of them commented on some significant changes she had noticed in my work.   “The gloves are off” is how she described the change.  “How did you do that?”

The short answer?  I stopped caring.  While parents, kids and families matter more now than ever, I quit bothering myself about  things that other people tell me I should care about.  Instead of obsessing about “traffic” and “reach” and “influence”  and “metrics,” I’m back to being me: sharing good content as often as I can, trusting that it will reach someone who will benefit from it… when they need to connect with it.

It’s not that I don’t need or want feedback.  I like to learn… but it was getting in the way.

So how did I learn to stop caring? The way I learn best:  the hard way.

I worried and fretted. I checked and measured… and drove myself half insane.  Then, as it sometimes does, life added some stresses of its own.  For the privacy of those involved I will say only that some people I care deeply about faced some very difficult circumstances.  To make matters worse, there was nothing I could do to help.

What’s that got to do with parenting?  Or the Four Foundations?  Quite a lot, actually.

Tough times can make us bitter or make us better.   If we pay attention, illness, injury and error can reconnect us to what matters most.  It’s similar to what happens when we realize we can’t smooth all the bumps in the road our kids will travel: we decide to teach them to navigate the bumps.  And with that learning comes a level of fearlessness that frees us to give our best efforts and “let go” of the results.

When we share this attitude with our kids they often become too busy “taking care of business” to hear the warnings from the people who want to tell them they’re doomed to fail!