Fanning the Flames

Jan 042013
 
Fan the flames

Fan the flames (Photo credit: Dey)

Some days my gratitude list includes that fact that my parents were busy and overwhelmed learning how to take care of me – otherwise, they might have had time to find out that teen parents are destined to poverty and failure!  Fortunately they didn’t know that.

 At the age of nineteen, they were married, full time university students – and parents. Whatever their plans had been until then, they now had responsibilities to take care of.

 Fortunately, their parents had taken the time to plant their feet on the ground and aim their eyes toward the sky.  It never occurred to them to do anything BUT to figure out how to create the best possible family they could.  They were blessed with the examples of hard work, goal setting and ‘stick-to-it-ive-ness.’  It took ‘early parenthood’ to bring these skills and attitudes into focus.

 That’s the point.  Everyone starts somewhere.  People are born with unlimited amounts of potential, most of which never gets tapped.  Early in their lives, something or someone creates a spark.  Circumstances – often unpleasant ones – help them catch fire, get to work and accomplish the things that matters to them.

 Are the tough times in your life fanning a spark that will grow into a flame?

The ‘Ogre’ On The Diamond

Dec 282012
 

 

Sox Bench

Sox Bench (Photo credit: Oberazzi)

 

For years your kids have played organized sports. The focus has probably been on having fun, on feeling good and maybe learning something about the game. On building confidence. And, of course, on self-esteem.

 

But are these leagues being used to teach attitudes, skill and lessons that will serve them later in life?

 

I remember watching a friend fill in for an absent youth league baseball coach. I don’t think it was the ’substitute teacher phenomenon’ that rendered one of our young team members absolutely incapable of controlling himself. Especially his language. It became completely inappropriate. Rude, crude and downright abusive – and it didn’t seem to matter whether it was directed at his peers or the adults involved.

 

The substitute coach asked him to stop. Then he told him to stop. Then Coach explained very clearly. “This is the last time I am going to tell you to stop swearing. If you do it again – even one more time – you won’t get to play today.”

 

Of course, our young friend, fully schooled in his own ’star power’ couldn’t imagine such a scenario. As a result, he was very surprised when the next curse word resulted his being removed from the bench.

 

How would you react?

 

You could join in with the kids’ complaints about the coach’s unfairness. You could complain to the league or to the other parents. Or, you remind the kids who you are close to you that, with his behavior, the young ’star’ chose to be in the stands rather than to help them win the game.

 

Maybe you could even thank the coach and ask if he’d consider becoming more involved. After all, don’t your kids deserve someone who will model doing the right thing instead of the easy, popular thing?

 

 

 

You Goofed? Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Dec 272012
 
Some of the contestants in the Scripps Nationa...

Some of the contestants in the Scripps National Spelling Bee, 2011 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it takes most kids years to find their strengths; if they don’t try everything that comes their way –from kickball to spelling bees– how will they discover their passions?

One thing that parents can model is to value ‘effort’ and ‘risk’. Kids whose parents praise things like ‘trying,’ ‘giving their best effort’ and ‘finishing what they’ve started’ seem to have kids who try, give their best effort and finish things!

While competition is a great teacher, there are also times that it is as important to reward participation as achievement. Rewarding the courage to compete builds confidence and helps to combat the stigma attached to losing.

People often forget that losing is nature’s best teacher. High achieving adults we’ve interviewed confirmed that adversity and struggle (e.g. ‘losing’) taught them what they needed to do to win the next time! Kids shouldn’t be afraid of losing. Hug and praise them no matter how well or poorly they do. Go easy on the sympathy if they lose. Soft-pedal the congratulations if they win. In either case, ask them what they learned or what they’ll try next time.

Remember, your offsprings’ ‘won/loss’ record is not a reflection of your parenting skill but their attitudes, values and ethics are. Whether they win or lose you can teach them to show the same respect for everyone who competes, to push themselves toward improvement and give to their best. As with so many aspects of being a parent, it’s all in how you approach it.

Enhanced by Zemanta
 Older Entries  Newer Entries