Andrea Patten

20/20 Imagination

Jun 112014
 
F.A. Cup Trophy

Photo credit: Tyne & Wear Archives & Museums

 

Everything we accomplish begins in our mind’s eye.  Don’t believe me?  Look at the thousands of dollars adults spend each year on books, seminars and coaching simply to learn how to use this important tool.  How many times have you heard a speaker or seminar leader advise you to attach a “vivid, emotional picture” to your goals in order to speed up the process?  It’s pretty common — and common sense — advice.

Visualize.  Picture.  Imagine.  Pretend.  Fake it ’til you make it.

What do these things have in common?  They come pretty naturally to kids.  I wonder what would happen if we took steps to reinforce  those abilities  in childhood   — while it’s still easy and natural?  And why do we want to preserve constructive imagination in our kids?

When did you first hear that old favorite W. Clement Stone quote, ‘What the mind can conceive it and believe it can achieve’?  As adults we learn that being able to picture the end result is an important step in creating motivation to act on our ‘wants.’  We picture ourselves fitting easily and effortlessly into a favorite outfit or skinny jeans to keep our feet moving on the way to the gym.  As kids we lie in bed and ‘watch the movie’ of the game-winning catch or being at the center of the big awards ceremony…. over and over and over.

Practicing “imagination plus emotion” also helps build emotional intelligence and strengthen empathy.  That’s pretty easy to practice with your kids.  After all, as you move through the day together you encounter dozens of situations that allow you to ask “how do you think that person is feeling right now?”  This can lead to some great conversations about news stories, neighborhood relations, manners, sports score…  It’s a way to take almost any conversation with your kids beyond the “headline level.”

Besides, the best way to learn something is to teach it.  Practicing visualization skills with your kids could save you a lot of time at seminars and move you closer to your personal goals.

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Having trouble keeping that inner voice positive?  Watch this space for a new book about taming your Inner Critic!

When Kids Are Bored

Jun 042014
 

 

 

Leon at stereo microscope

Leon at stereo microscope (Photo credit: scalefreenetwork)

 

Some say the song of summer is made up of crickets, crackling camp fires and crunchy snacks.  For others, it sounds like a high-pitched whine:  “Mom, I’m bored.”

If that phrase is a “stopper” in your home business you’re not alone. Somehow our kids’ boredom has become something to be avoided at all costs. It makes lots of parents nervous. We quickly become entertainers, rummaging through our memories for something — anything — to capture out kids’ imaginations.

When did boredom go out of style and why do parents seem so frightened of it?

As with many of our well-intended efforts, the parental rush to instantly eliminate boredom may be sending the wrong message:

  • every moment must be filled
  • you are not responsible for your own feelings
  • uncomfortable feelings are a very bad thing and should be avoided at all costs
  • your uncomfortable feelings are more important than what I’m doing
  • something (or someone) outside of you can (and should) ‘make’ you feel better

Are these the things you want to be teaching the children in your life? And, even if you’re very fortunate and your kids are not taking those messages from your response, here’s another question to ask:

What happens once you’re not there to entertain them? What if they experience boredom in the class room?  Or at sports practice? Or at the movies?  Or on the job?  Who is responsible for dropping everything and racing to the rescue then?

Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but sometimes it’s the easiest way to picture all of the consequences of our actions — intended or otherwise.  As uncomfortable as it may be for parents, given the chance, kids can discover other interests.

Granted, you may regret a new-found interest in the history of the knock-knock joke… but who knows what they’ll come up with later????

 

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Big Dogs on the Brain?

May 282014
 

Not so scary after all.

 

Moments before arriving, a visiting friend reminded me that her small child was afraid of  dogs… especially BIG dogs. At the time, my family included a young,  intense German Shepherd Dog and a goofy, aging Lab.  Since neither could be described as ‘small,’ I promised my friend that I would kennel them for the afternoon so her daughter’s visit would not be ruined.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO: A friend reminded me her visiting child was afraid of dogs.
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Meeting for lunch before driving out to the house, I had a chance to chat with the little girl.  I explained that the dogs would bark when we arrived, that it was part of “their job.”  I also let her know they couldn’t get near her and asked her to help with their training by ignoring their noise.

Upon arrival, the dogs stopped barking almost instantly. They were intrigued.  My 5-year-old guest and I spent less than 10 minutes looking around in the barn and picking berries before she became fixated on the dogs and the kennel.

Before long she asked me if it was OK to bring them inside.  So, wearing training collars and leashes to help them pay attention, they sat quietly beside me. The grown-ups continued to talk about  ‘dog language‘ and how it is differs from ‘people language’, the way dogs rely on their noses to learn, that jumping and squealing encourage chasing, that calm behavior brings a calm response…. and that paying attention to these things can help kids stay safe.

FACE FEAR: The grown-ups talked about ‘dog language’ v. ‘people language’…
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My little friend asked if the dogs knew any tricks.  When I explained that to see one of them ‘perform’ the other would have to sit quietly beside her, the “formerly-frightened-of-big-dogs” child made my day.  She turned to her mother and said:

“Mom, these are not BIG dogs because I’m not afraid of them. I like them. These are MEDIUM dogs.”

Why is this such a favorite story?

  • Because it speaks to the power of support, data, exposure and engagement to overcome prejudice and fear.
  • It’s an example of trust opening a door and expanding a comfort zone.
  • It’s about the power of honest attraction over force and manipulation…
  • And because any one of us can replace a limiting thought with one that’s more useful.

Perhaps it’s an approach we can apply to other sources of fear.  Do you have any “dogs” that need shrinking?

FACE FEAR: “Mom, these are not BIG dogs because I’m not afraid of them.”…
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