Andrea Patten

What’s a Butterfly’s Job?

Sep 102014
 
Blue morpho butterfly 300x271

Blue morpho butterfly 300×271 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Did you ever wonder about a butterfly’s job?  Especially its first job?  How does it ‘become’? Here’s an excerpt from What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement.

Nature offers many examples of the value of struggle.  A caterpillar hiberantes in a chrysalis.  Upon discovering this odd-looking residence, one might be tempted to “help” it become a butterfly by cutting into the structure and creating a ready exit.

Naturally, the ‘butterfly prospect’ will take the easiest way out, crawling through the new opening.  But will it ever be able to unfurl its wings and fly?  Will it ever become a butterfly?  Struggling to get free of the chrysaslis builds the strength the insect needs.  What looks like a painful process is a vital step on the road to becoming a butterfly.

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I’m sure that, if asked, the ‘butterfly prospect’ would tell us it doesn’t want to work its way out of the chrysalis. That it’s scary.  And too hard.

So Mother Nature doesn’t ask for input.  Caterpillars simply undergo this process. It doesn’t matter how anyone feels about it.  It just is.

If you look around the rest of the animal kingdom, you’ll find similar examples of built-in struggle: chicks breaking out of their eggs, helpless baby sea turtles making a tortuous crawl toward the surf, salmon struggling upstream to spawn.

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Nature doesn’t put these barriers in the way of her creatures to be cruel.  Animals that pass the test survive to pass their genes on to the next generation, improving the species.

It’s an image the helps me evaluate my desire to intervene and overprotect.  Who’s going to feel better off after?  Who gets the chance to be strong enough to become a butterfly?

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Bike Accident Boo-Boo

Sep 032014
 

 

 

Torn front wheel of a bicycle after a crash wi...

Torn front wheel of a bicycle after a crash with a car (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

I was packing for a trip with the TV on in the background.  Instead of heading to bed early so I could be fresh for my trip, I stayed up to jot some thoughts about a  bike accident.

Were there flames, fatalities or drama?  On the surface there was nothing unusual about the incident.  Or so it seemed at first.  A young boy was riding his bike, hit a pothole, fell off and broke his wrist. He had a bike accident and his Mom is suing the city.

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When asked why the city should be held responsible she replied “Hellooooo.”  That was the entire comment.

Of course I feel for any child with a broken bone — it hurts. It’s unfortunate. And I understand parents feeling angry when children suffer: those feelings are normal and natural. And of course cities and towns should to their best to make necessary road repairs.

Kids fall off of bicycles and get hurt. It happens: neither riding a bike nor conquering gravity are particularly easy skills to master. But a broken wrist in not a fatality. Painful? Inconvenient? Scary? Sure — so are lots of opportunities for growth.

Intended or not, actions have consequences — even driving our bikes in unexpected directions.

Have you ever been frustrated by making repeated requests about basic chores or responsibilities?  Laundry that doesn’t make it to the hamper?  Book bags that don’t get cleaned out?  Toys that aren’t put away?

At that point some parents are able to let certain laundry go undone, permission slips unsigned and toys “‘go missing.”  It’s generally an effective way to stop nagging and help kids connect the dots between the request and the consequence of not following through.

However there parents who offer to serve detention for their kids and even one who drove the get-away car for her “baby’s” robbery…  sometimes parental love gets in the way of more rational thinking!

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P.S.  I think extreme examples can be useful in checking our own decisions so  I’ve got a collection of old news articles here. They’ve sparked some lively conversations in parenting groups.  (And, please, if you’ve got one to add, send me the link!  I love this crazy collection.)

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking Like a Brat

Aug 272014
 

Think about the last frustrating interaction you had with another adult.  Can you think of a time you were expecting an adult interaction but instead ran into something like a tantrum?

Actually, forget about ‘another’ adult:  how do you feel about yourself when you miss a deadline, mouth a flimsy excuse for sub-par behavior or otherwise abandon your best self?  When you act or think like a brat?

 

English: Jogging with dog at Carcavelos Beach ...

English: Jogging with dog at Carcavelos Beach Português: Fazendo jogging com o cão na Praia de Carcavelos (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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For many of us, even though the calendar says we’re grown up, there are times that we’re just brats.  We want what we want when we want it.  We whine and point fingers instead of taking responsibility.  Kids throw tantrums;  “adults” complain.

Think about how many personal problems are escalate when we:

  • want something for nothing
  • deny consequences of our actions
  • refuse to be accountable

I’ve struggled with diet and exercise for… well just about as long as I can remember.  After being a  “yo yo-er” for years, I learned to prioritize the right fuel for my health.  But time and again, I get to a comfortable balance with food and exercise and then… that ‘something for nothing’ mentality creeps back in: I can take ‘just one’ workout off, can’t I?  Next comes the ‘need’ to relieve some stress with a little bit of chocolate, right?  And, of course I don’t bother to ‘tell on myself” (especially to myself) the first time I do any of this.  I’m a brat.  I want what I want when I want it.

That’s probably why I care so much about helping parents provide their kids with a strong foundation… to help express the unconditional love we have for our kids through instilling basic, practical life skills and attitudes.

After all, isn’t knowing the ‘cost’ of a choice part of making an informed decision?

I’m off to get dressed for exercise class now.

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