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Nov 232012
Mar 222012
(Like what you see?, originally uploaded by lesleymcl.)
People get stuck. It happens to everyone. We don’t all have the same skills and talents nor do we have access to the same resources. What’s challenging to me might be a breeze for you… and vice versa.
Having visited “The Land of Stuck” once (or a couple of hundred times) in the course of being on the planet, I’ve had an opportunity to think about stuckness. A variety of things can lead me to that stuck place: a need to learn certain skills, not knowing where to start or thinking I should be able to conquer the obstacle (whatever it may be) on my own. It’s not all that difficult for most people to easily point to one or more legitimate causes for ending up back there.
And, when we’ve had enough, we eventually reach out for help. The internet. Books, blogs and experts. Maybe an ‘ear’ from a friend… or a series of sessions with a life coach. In our role as parents we turn to teachers and tutors and troop leaders and the coaches who lead our kids’ activities.
But like so many things, I’ve started to wonder if we’re solving the right problem. What if the real problem is our resistance? What if we stay stuck longer than necessary simply because we don’t think “it” should be happening to us or to our kids?
All parents want to protect their children. And, in our quest to be the best, we can get carried away. I wonder if this “it shouldn’t happen to _______________” (me or my family or my child ) attitude fosters a sense of entitlement that contributes to people being being unable to bounce back from adversity. Sometimes life’s greatest challenges reveal talents and strengths we didn’t know were there. I really enjoyed the way that Simon Sinek wrote about that here: Our Survival Skills Become Our Talents .
It’s easy to be grateful and celebrate when things are going our way… but it’s quite a bonus to learn that some of the “tough stuff” is simply ugly wrapping paper on our greatest gifts.
We like SHARING:
Feb 232012
Image by nlnnet via Flickr
When What Kids Need to Succeed was first published, I was not prepared for the question I was most often asked: How do you define success?
I was surprised for two reasons. First, people generally sounded very defensive when they asked. (I still don’t get it.) Second, I don’t think it had ever occurred to me to try to define success for another adult: I’ve always considered that a very personal decision. It’s a big part of what the book is about.
I do believe that “success” is a bit of a moving target … and that we can give our kids building blocks they’ll be able to use at many different times in their lives. One way to do this is by using the “Think-Aloud” technique that friend and literacy advocate Esther Jantzen wrote about a while back. (You can go back and read that post here.)
Why couldn’t we try that technique to help kids recognize the many ways they are successful each day? What if we help our kids to ‘Share Our Successes’ about things that we see in our homes, on the news or at the grocery store? It’s an ‘activity’ that can be added to your busy day, simply by stopping with your child to check in and share about the world around you.
It begins with ‘noticing.’ What successes do you see around you? Do you have family members who have learned to read or write their names? Tie their shoes? Ride a bike? Gotten a new job? Accomplished a new habit for several days in a row? Achieved a new level of health? What about new businesses that open, playgrounds cleaned or spider webs built?
Sound silly? Maybe. But lots of kids need help to apply an abstract concept across lots of situations before it starts to make sense to them. So, get creative when defining “success.”
Helping our kids learn to talk about ideas is a great way to connect and to learn. When focusing on successes and accomplishments around us, here are some questions you might try:
- I wonder who came up with that idea?
- How did they do that?
- What did they need to learn?
- Do you think it was easy?
- Do you think they had to solve any problems along the way?
Take your time. Listen carefully. Encourage your child’s observations… without being pushy. While you may not come up with the definitive definition of “success” you’ll show your child the value of looking for “what worked.” It’s a great building block for mastering creative visualization!