Accountants and Astronauts

Jun 022009
 

Children dream about becoming movie stars, musicians, professional athletes, prima ballerinas and presidents.  I don’t know about you but the last time I looked at a group of grown-ups, I saw a lot more accountants than astronauts…. more mechanics than movie stars.  What becomes of childhood dreams?

I’ve heard a lot of highly successful people say that one of the first steps they had to take to fulfill their dreams was to stop talking to their family and friends about them.  It seems that in our efforts to protect those we love the most we often stomp on the rocket fuel of their imaginations.  Our intentions are usually good:  we want them to be safe and secure, we don’t want them to get “beat up” by life or repeat our mistakes.

So what happens?  They stop dreaming, stop trying or stop telling us.

Can you blame them?  Think about a time that you were excited about an idea, you told a friend and they immediately starting poking holes in it.  Even if your friend was trying to help, the conversation did not make you feel good or increase your confidence, did it?

So how do we make sure that our kids will be prepared to earn a living without stepping on their big dreams?  How about dreaming with them?  You can:

1)    Ask questions that encourage imagination.  “What do you think it’s like to live in the White House?”

2)    Ask questions that reinforce ideas.  “How many hours do you think the President works every day?” or “What kind of student do you think he was when he was in the ___th grade?”

3)    Ask questions that help them make plans.  “What do you think you might need to do to get ready to be the President?  How do you think we can practice now?”

4)    Ask questions that help them broaden their thinking.  “It seems like the part of being President that you like the best is the ______.  Did you know that companies also have a presidents?”

 Talking about dreams and how to achieve them goes far beyond the dreaded “What do you want to be when you grow up” question.  Instead, it’s another way to enhance communication between you and your child and to strengthen the connection between you.  And that might just be a dream come true.

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Teaching Safety or Teaching Fear?

May 202009
 
electrical banana

electrical banana (Photo credit: the past tends to disappear)

 

As parents we teach our kids a lot about fear. We spend time and energy teaching them exactly what to be afraid of: an electrical outlet, the mean dog in the neighborhood, a hot stove and the deep end of a pool. Teaching our children to stay safe is an important part of a parent’s ‘job description.’

 

The way that we teach about those things can be just as important as the information we’re trying to convey. Where is your focus? Is your message “The world is a scary, dangerous place” or “I want you to have the information you need to make safe and responsible choices.” There’s a big difference, no?

 

In addition to the things that we consciously try to teach, even the smallest of children pick up non-verbal cues from the adults around them. Whether or not they have the words to tell us about it they notice the things that frighten the big people.

 

A fear that children sometimes pick up from their parents is the fear of failure. Whether parental perfectionism shows up in action or the re-living and re-hashing of our missteps, simple observation may teach kids may that failure is to be avoided at all costs. Left unchecked, this fear can grow, perhaps resulting in another grown-up person who is afraid to take risks.

 

We’re certainly not advocating unsafe behavior or risk for its own sake. Balance is important. When you talk to your kids about danger, do you ever talk about the steps that a person would take to be safe in that situation? (Bonus points if you let them talk first!) It’s a great opportunity to talk about assuming responsibility and what’s appropriate at various ages.

 

Remember, amazing things can happen when people are not afraid to ask ‘What if?” or “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I try?”

 

How’s your Habit-tude?

May 062009
 
Sulk

Sulk (Photo credit: Mr Jaded)

 

What is an “attitude”? Good or bad, parents certainly ‘know it when we see it!’ Most of us can agree that ‘attitude’ is the way the things we think, feel and believe add up to impact our actions.

 

I particularly like the definition that describes ‘attitude’ as ‘a habitual way of thinking about or acting on things.’

 

Anyone can be subject to occasional bouts of bad or negative attitude. There are days that even the most optimistic person can feel “off” or “blue.” That’s the reason that I like this particular definition so much – it speaks to the habitual nature of attitude and outlook.

 

And that’s great news. It means that if we have a positive attitude — it can get better. It also means that if we have a negative attitude –- it can get better. We can choose strategies for breaking a negative mood and strengthening a positive one.

 

Almost every day presents an opportunity to talk to our children about the power of choosing our attitude. One way that many people have successfully strengthened their ‘upbeat muscles’ is with gratitude. Keep a journal, make a list, write a ‘thank you’ note or just notice.

 

Attitudes are like plants – the ones we feed grow and flourish. To make a habit of focusing on “what’s right” keeps us optimistic, strong and resilient – maybe even enough to ‘fix’ what’s wrong.

 

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