Risky Business?

Jul 092012
 
Child 1

Child 1 (Photo credit: Tony Trần)

How do parents define a sane and healthy level of risk when raising children?  Too much caution can create an unnecessary level of fear.  Not enough can lead to injury.

Whether in the car, at home, on the beach or at the playground, parents are faced with lots of opportunities to make decisions about what’s safe.  How do we teach our kids to make good, safe decisions without scaring the daylights out of either us or them in the process?

Where’s the balance?  It might be back at the playground, the first time you took your little one to try  out the seesaw.

Your child had no idea what this piece of equipment was, what it could do or what would come next… Lifted and carefully placed on the high end of the apparatus, we held her there, mid-air, for a few seconds to feel the thrill (and maybe a little bit of fear) that goes along with being two feet tall and ‘flying’ five or six feet in the air.

She was able to manage this remarkable feat because you –her parent and protector — stood  between her and the ground.

Then, it was over.  She has had her introduction.  It was fun.  We didn’t move right into “see-sawing” ~ we quit while we were ahead.

Of course, if your children are older, you can “fast forward” to age six or seven.  That same small child now rides that seesaw like a surfboard, running from one end to the other and delighting in the loud CRASH that happens some time after she crosses the center of the board.

What has changed?

Balance and coordination are better.    She has more experience with gravity along with a pretty good idea of what she can get the piece of equipment to do.

We teach risk management to our kids like we teach anything else — in small doses and matched to their age, skill-level and interests.  What was ‘risk’ for a toddler is ‘baby stuff’ for a third grader.

Seesaw

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How do parents define success and what DO kids need to succeed?  Get your electronic copy of What Kids Need to Succeed: Four Foundations of Adult Achievement  for only $1.00 by clicking this link and entering the coupon code NA64P.   Take your place in this important conversation.

To Unconsciousness… and Beyond!

Feb 172011
 
Struggle
Originally uploaded by ShutterMoth

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”  — Golda Meir

I’ve probably never told you about the barely believable string of problems I’ve had with websites over the years.  When I started, I knew absolutely NOTHING and was completely dependent on the people who DID know.

Not only that, we had to communicate and both parties had to do what they said they were going to do.

The nicest thing I have to say about that chapter of my life is: I tried to do what I said I was going to do — and I probably could have communicated better.   The problem was that, for a period of time, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  I was an “unconscious incompetent.”

Then it got worse.  I moved to the next stage of learning, the  really uncomfortable one:  the “conscious incompetent.”  I KNEW that there was a lot I didn’t understand and it made me more than a little nutty.

I got frustrated enough to make a decision:  I’m learning  how to do all of this myself.  I have a mentor.  I’m taking classes at the Apple Store.  I’m on a first name basis with several tech support people at the hosting company.

I am proud to say I’ve achieved “conscious incompetence.”  With a great deal of support and concentration I can do some of what I need to do.*   I have no idea how long it will take to progress to “unconscious competence”  when these skills have become second nature.

It makes me think about wanting things to be easy for our kids. It’s a wish that most parents share — it’s also fairly unrealistic.

I have shed tears and said a few choice words words on the way to some so-so results,  but at the ripe old age of “waaaaay over 21”  I’m learning how to be responsible for a part of my life I didn’t know I could handle.

It’s exhilarating.  And that’s a feeling I want  kids to have, time and time again.  Don’t you?

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* (If you’re going to be nice you can check out my beginner efforts — my personal site , some photography and design or the beginning of our consulting site.  I’m open to lots of support, encouragement and a little bit of constructive feedback!)

Related articles

Why Wouldn’t We Be Happy

Aug 062010
 

by guest poster, Tom Tuohy

My friend Quincy has an infectious enthusiasm. I love the way he just puts his head back and yells, “Yeah!” He doesn’t need a reason to do it, he just does it. He is happy. He loves life. He loves people.

The Illinois Center for Rehabilitation and Education, (ICRE), is a state facility for young people with physical and or developmental challenges. Quincy, who was born with cerebral palsy, lives there.

On a recent visit, Kristen, one of our volunteers, asked Quincy why he was always so happy. Quincy thought for a minute and said, “Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

We all have the choice to be unconditionally happy. Often we forget how. More importantly we lose sight of the way of being that brings us our greatest joy – being generous.

Everyone has something to give. Life gets in the way sometimes. We are fooled into thinking we don’t have the time, we don’t have the money, we have too many responsibilities……. These things may be true but we always have a choice. It begins with saying ‘Hi’ to the guy who takes our money at the toll booth, the lady standing next to us in line, or the kid who looking at us, hoping we are the hero they dream about.

I wish everyone knew Quincy. They would know that he gets it. “Yeah,” Quincy, if we all realized how you looked at life, we could do it, too.

Every conscious act of engagement and generosity gives us great joy in return. When we DON’T make that choice we are really cheating ourselves. If we all remembered to know this, what we would choose? Why wouldn’t we choose to be happy?

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Adapted from an article by Tom Tuohy, Founder and President of Dreams for Kids. For more information on DFK, click here www.dreamsforkids.org

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