Inner Critic to Inner Ally: Beginner’s Guide

Apr 222011
 

For the past six months or so my travels have taken me to meetings and trainings with lots of women in direct sales. A funny thing happened….  I started hearing a term that I hadn’t heard in a long time. I kept running into people who wanted help to manage their “Inner Critic.”

I’ve heard it (the Inner Critic) called a lot of things:

  • When I connect with online writing communities like NaNoWriMo, there’s a lot of talk about “The Inner Editor….”
  • When I worked in the addictions field, lots of people called it “The Addict in the Attic,” or “My Disease”
  • “The Committee,” or “The Jury” comes up in more general conversation

The point is, it seems to be something most of us struggle with from time-to-time.  My friend Annie says “Most people are one thought away from being happier, healthier and more successful.” I agree with her. Regardless of the ‘title’ I have held at any given time, my work has been about offering people the opportunity to connect with a new thought. I like that. Mastering that ‘voice in the head’ that says ‘you’re not good enough’ is important work.

This came in my e-mail the other day and I saved it.  It seems to fit.

“It is hard to let old beliefs go. They are familiar. We are comfortable with them and have spent years building systems and developing habits that depend on them. Like a man who has worn eyeglasses so long that he forgets he has them on, we forget that the world looks to us the way it does because we have become used to seeing it that way through a particular set of lenses. Today, however, we need new lenses. And we need to throw the old ones away.” – Kenichi Ohmae

I’ve created an affordable self-study program to help people think differently about their Inner Critics.  It’s a download, designed to be 3-hole punched and housed in a notebook.  It’s over here.

To Unconsciousness… and Beyond!

Feb 172011
 
Struggle
Originally uploaded by ShutterMoth

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”  — Golda Meir

I’ve probably never told you about the barely believable string of problems I’ve had with websites over the years.  When I started, I knew absolutely NOTHING and was completely dependent on the people who DID know.

Not only that, we had to communicate and both parties had to do what they said they were going to do.

The nicest thing I have to say about that chapter of my life is: I tried to do what I said I was going to do — and I probably could have communicated better.   The problem was that, for a period of time, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  I was an “unconscious incompetent.”

Then it got worse.  I moved to the next stage of learning, the  really uncomfortable one:  the “conscious incompetent.”  I KNEW that there was a lot I didn’t understand and it made me more than a little nutty.

I got frustrated enough to make a decision:  I’m learning  how to do all of this myself.  I have a mentor.  I’m taking classes at the Apple Store.  I’m on a first name basis with several tech support people at the hosting company.

I am proud to say I’ve achieved “conscious incompetence.”  With a great deal of support and concentration I can do some of what I need to do.*   I have no idea how long it will take to progress to “unconscious competence”  when these skills have become second nature.

It makes me think about wanting things to be easy for our kids. It’s a wish that most parents share — it’s also fairly unrealistic.

I have shed tears and said a few choice words words on the way to some so-so results,  but at the ripe old age of “waaaaay over 21”  I’m learning how to be responsible for a part of my life I didn’t know I could handle.

It’s exhilarating.  And that’s a feeling I want  kids to have, time and time again.  Don’t you?

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* (If you’re going to be nice you can check out my beginner efforts — my personal site , some photography and design or the beginning of our consulting site.  I’m open to lots of support, encouragement and a little bit of constructive feedback!)

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On Being Present

Dec 242010
 

It’s ironic that in our quest to find the perfect present people sometimes render themselves completely ‘absent.’

Racing around, over-scheduling, over-spending, eating fast food instead of what nourishes us…YIKES!  How many ways can we use “creating to perfect holiday” to numb ourselves and detach?

I’ve run this video before but it touches me enough to repeat on Christmas Eve day – partly because it’s a reminder that many of us can use every day and partly because I counted more that two dozen SPECIAL LAST MINUTE GIFT OFFERS in my inbox this morning.  Enough already!

Granted, I’ve been told that I’m not aggressive enough with my marketing.  Maybe I’m not.  But I won’t lie and call myself “the world’s leading expert” on anything.  I believe in what I do and what I write. But most importantly, I believe in you.  And I think it’s just rude to smack you in the face with one more commercial.

So, here you go…  enjoy.

A man played his violin in the subway.  He played for 45 minutes while more than a thousand people passed through on the way to work. Fewer than ten of those people stopped. About 30 put money in his case, netting him a little over $32.

The musician was the world-famous Joshua Bell, playing the same music he plays in concert halls where tickets sell for $100 each. The instrument he used is valued at more than $3 million. Washington Post writer Gene Weingarten was the mastermind behind the experiment. The Post received a Pulitzer for the story.

Weingarten’s questions had to do with perception of quality, choices and priorities. People familiar with the story have also asked ‘If we are too busy to notice a world class musician, what else are we missing?’

My point?

Are there wonderful things that are going on right under our noses?  Stop. Take a deep breath. Notice. Enjoy.  Be more present.  That’s a gift you can give every day.


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